The last day of the first decade of the Millenium
~*
man...I love school, and the readings too, but....there are really............a lot of reading >.<
~*
Psychology - to understand people at a little bit deeper level would always be helpful
to prepare for ministry
~*
To understand the NT at a little bit deeper level - would always help to realize the value of the Bible a little bit more.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
highly concentrated
Tomorrow is going to be the last day of 2010 ...
what did you do this year?
hm...
let's start with what I did today...
Today in my lesson with David Swan, we talked about playing Hindemith. (1st movement - it's not like military, but like surging waves, a sensation. Different from the battle scene in the Narnia movie yesterday that got me excited, I was like if I'm stronger, I'd become a soldier and fight my sword. Except that, my calling is not to become a soldier, but a counsellor who by conversation reach people at a deeper level, feel what they felt and sensibly guide people to open up spaces for changes) This is kind of neat to have all these realization while I am learning piano, I think.
what did you do this year?
hm...
let's start with what I did today...
Today in my lesson with David Swan, we talked about playing Hindemith. (1st movement - it's not like military, but like surging waves, a sensation. Different from the battle scene in the Narnia movie yesterday that got me excited, I was like if I'm stronger, I'd become a soldier and fight my sword. Except that, my calling is not to become a soldier, but a counsellor who by conversation reach people at a deeper level, feel what they felt and sensibly guide people to open up spaces for changes) This is kind of neat to have all these realization while I am learning piano, I think.
While playing, one also needs to make decision - how to play and express each part according to the musical markings and dynamics and in relation to the other parts!!
We also talked about mental flexibility - because if anyone ever put an electron into a pianist brain and see which part of the brain that's activated the most when they do all those delicate things on the piano, it'd be so cool...and yeah, practicing by using varient, alternating our hands to play different part, ex. using the left hand to play the soprano - not only will this increase mental flexibility, but yeah, add playfulness to the art too!!
And, Really, Art is about its playfulness :) This echoes the saying of many great music teachers :)
hm..... yeah...
many things happened in 2010 yeah, quite some.....yet, still grateful...very grateful!
Saying goodbye to Commerce, Finally! :)
hm....the passing of my 3 goo jeh - reminder to spend time wisely
the beginning of Tyndale...
No more math, numbers, but a lot of readings and writing and talking to people and listening to people, which I just Looove! Love! very intellectually stimulating...a lot of good friends...good, all good!
dying 3 times to my old self in the past year...yeah, dying! and living again...in the new me!
It's just really exciting to follow the guidance of G. It's an experience that I cannot put into words. Learning so many new things about myself, others, and yet, truly finding that ground where I am called to stand. And. To stand!
Thanks to Janice, who graciously help me to know myself better!
Thanks to all the people who have appeared in my life, for your presence, friendship...yeah and sometimes....for the opportunity to fight too :) Fight, and then again get reconciled...fight and then get to know one another better....thanks for sharing the joy and the tears...
I'm getting fat, yeah, fat....because I didn't exercise enough....I didn't do a lot of work!
In the new year :) I have to serve More! because, really....for all the many many resources that I am given, I need to effectively use them...or they'll be wasted!!!
Lord, Help me to be a better servant of yours, a friend of yours, and to remember to give and willingly, freely receive :)
The more we give, the more we gather.
Love. Peace out now - 2011 in 1 day!!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
2010 transitioning to 2011
Grace - Be still . faith in action - raw, passionate *heart 2010 - It is profound; it's natural and simple
Nichole Nordeman - Legacy
I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much
I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy
I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy
Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...
Nichole Nordeman - Why
Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." ~ Matthew 16:24
"As a prisoner for the Lord, then, [Apostle Paul] urges [me] to live a life worthy of the calling [I] have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." ~ Ephesians 4:1-3
Nichole Nordeman - Legacy
I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much
I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy
I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy
Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...
Nichole Nordeman - Why
Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." ~ Matthew 16:24
"As a prisoner for the Lord, then, [Apostle Paul] urges [me] to live a life worthy of the calling [I] have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." ~ Ephesians 4:1-3
Friday, December 24, 2010
Merry Christmas!
Song - Where's the Line to See Jesus?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OExXItDyWEY
Christmas time was approaching, the snow is starting to fall
Shoppers choosing their presents, people filling the mall
Children waiting for Santa with excitement and glee
A little boy tugged my sweater, looked up and asked me
Where's the line to see Jesus? Is He here at the store?
If Christmas time is His birthday, why don't we see Him more?
As I stood in amazement at this message profound, I looked down to thank him,
he was no where around.
The little boy at the mall might as well have had wings
As the tears filled my eyes, I thought I heard him say,
Where's the line to see Jesus? Is He here at the store?
If Christmas time is His birthday, why don't we see Him more?
Where's the line to see Jesus? He was born for me.
Santa Claus brought me presents, but Christ gave His life for me.
In the blink of an eye, at the sound of His trump
We'll all stand in line at His throne.
Every knee shall bow down, every tongue will confess
That Jesus Christ is Lord.
Where's the line to see Jesus? Is He here at the store?
If Christmas time is His birthday, why don't we see Him more?
Where's the line to see Jesus? He was born for me.
Santa Claus brought me presents, but Christ gave His life for me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OExXItDyWEY
Christmas time was approaching, the snow is starting to fall
Shoppers choosing their presents, people filling the mall
Children waiting for Santa with excitement and glee
A little boy tugged my sweater, looked up and asked me
Where's the line to see Jesus? Is He here at the store?
If Christmas time is His birthday, why don't we see Him more?
As I stood in amazement at this message profound, I looked down to thank him,
he was no where around.
The little boy at the mall might as well have had wings
As the tears filled my eyes, I thought I heard him say,
Where's the line to see Jesus? Is He here at the store?
If Christmas time is His birthday, why don't we see Him more?
Where's the line to see Jesus? He was born for me.
Santa Claus brought me presents, but Christ gave His life for me.
In the blink of an eye, at the sound of His trump
We'll all stand in line at His throne.
Every knee shall bow down, every tongue will confess
That Jesus Christ is Lord.
Where's the line to see Jesus? Is He here at the store?
If Christmas time is His birthday, why don't we see Him more?
Where's the line to see Jesus? He was born for me.
Santa Claus brought me presents, but Christ gave His life for me.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Elizabeth's back - desserts!!
I'm just so blessed to be with our girls bbs group!!
aww........everytime.....after hanging out with you girls...chatting / listening...oh...our random chatting...laughing...I just have SO much life!! I don't even know why!!! but it's just so lively and human...it's not just about work, it's not just about feelings...but I just received so much so much from being with you girls....lively human being in different stages of life, living in different cities...holding different occupations...this is just So Interesting....I truly love our time together.
There are so many thoughts and feelings inside of me......because of the Christmas busyness these days...
Plus, bumping into the piano teacher of both my brother and I...during breakfast yesterday....it's just too shocking...and....oh no.................unethical...unethical....I was glad that my mom was there though.
Dear Father God, I'm truly glad that we have You, truly glad, please continue to teach us and guide us...it's very hard to live without You!
Yes....and lately, I also think about boys too.......a righteous man seeking after God's own heart....someone who understand me and love me..... Relationship could be the most complicated thing there can be...... but it can also be very simple and enriching. I'm glad that I no longer afraid of being who I am, and start liking and feeling comfortable to be around people that are like me!! yeah, I start to appreciate people who are like me...well and yeah, of course those who are different from me :) I don't know! yeah, it's time to grow up :)
Father God, thank you for the friends you put into my life....May I grow to be a friend of yours too....oh, far from close....far far from close!!
Music - "I'm far from close to know who you are"
blessed to be at Tyndale! blessed to meet all my friends there :) Janice :))
Lately, I'm also truly hoping that I can put to use, my skills and strength, I wanted to serve so badly, everything that You have taught me....all the resources and materials that You've given me...I want to use them...I want to use and exercise the gifts that you've given me So badly...truly truly truly!
I'm also hoping that I'll meet a band that we can play music together, I can play the piano, but music is for connecting people together.... is to bring people together so that everyone can emerge into the rhythm and harmony!!! yeah........I'm not good at music, but I know I can grow to be a better pianist. I hope to experience that connectedness with a group of people within a band...once again! I really really hope that I can put my music gifts to use too!! I pr.
I pr. and pr. that what I truly know......will come through.....that it would not just stay inside of me.
aww........everytime.....after hanging out with you girls...chatting / listening...oh...our random chatting...laughing...I just have SO much life!! I don't even know why!!! but it's just so lively and human...it's not just about work, it's not just about feelings...but I just received so much so much from being with you girls....lively human being in different stages of life, living in different cities...holding different occupations...this is just So Interesting....I truly love our time together.
There are so many thoughts and feelings inside of me......because of the Christmas busyness these days...
Plus, bumping into the piano teacher of both my brother and I...during breakfast yesterday....it's just too shocking...and....oh no.................unethical...unethical....I was glad that my mom was there though.
Dear Father God, I'm truly glad that we have You, truly glad, please continue to teach us and guide us...it's very hard to live without You!
Yes....and lately, I also think about boys too.......a righteous man seeking after God's own heart....someone who understand me and love me..... Relationship could be the most complicated thing there can be...... but it can also be very simple and enriching. I'm glad that I no longer afraid of being who I am, and start liking and feeling comfortable to be around people that are like me!! yeah, I start to appreciate people who are like me...well and yeah, of course those who are different from me :) I don't know! yeah, it's time to grow up :)
Father God, thank you for the friends you put into my life....May I grow to be a friend of yours too....oh, far from close....far far from close!!
Music - "I'm far from close to know who you are"
blessed to be at Tyndale! blessed to meet all my friends there :) Janice :))
Lately, I'm also truly hoping that I can put to use, my skills and strength, I wanted to serve so badly, everything that You have taught me....all the resources and materials that You've given me...I want to use them...I want to use and exercise the gifts that you've given me So badly...truly truly truly!
I'm also hoping that I'll meet a band that we can play music together, I can play the piano, but music is for connecting people together.... is to bring people together so that everyone can emerge into the rhythm and harmony!!! yeah........I'm not good at music, but I know I can grow to be a better pianist. I hope to experience that connectedness with a group of people within a band...once again! I really really hope that I can put my music gifts to use too!! I pr.
I pr. and pr. that what I truly know......will come through.....that it would not just stay inside of me.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
dear Ti-ger
oh, Ti-ger, you're the most loveliest cat that I've ever seen, you're so beautiful! I have never been so close with you, so close, so close....
when I tried to hold you in the past, you always run away. Ti-ger, the most beautiful cat, your eyes are so bright... I will remember your stare.
Ti-ger, the most beautiful cat....you've reminded me that it's not about pleasing others, but genuinely loving and being interested in another...
Ti-ger is Beautiful!!! years-long relationship of love is the most sparkling thing....
~*
Yum: giving 'till it hurts
Kaarina and the girls' cell group
when I tried to hold you in the past, you always run away. Ti-ger, the most beautiful cat, your eyes are so bright... I will remember your stare.
Ti-ger, the most beautiful cat....you've reminded me that it's not about pleasing others, but genuinely loving and being interested in another...
Ti-ger is Beautiful!!! years-long relationship of love is the most sparkling thing....
~*
Yum: giving 'till it hurts
Kaarina and the girls' cell group
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Christmas is almost here
When you're truly in love...
The world become still and silence
No word can better express the love that's felt that's indescribable that can only be experienced
...I was thinking yeah....love is an invisible bond, powerful, yet indescribable
Except...it almost become too abstract... after sitting for a while with this, feeling mesmerized...
Something so abstract makes me feel insecure....
Until. That moment when love is transformed into actions that bring people together
Kindness in words, in actions, and in cares - the essence of our humanness that's seen through our connection, living in this one world together because of Christ Jesus
Tyndale Chapel Podcast
http://www.tyndale.ca/podcasts/chapel
Dec. 7, 2010 Dr. Dr. Kevin Livingston
The Genealogy of Jesus the Messiah
The Humble King
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EKfy3ABMZI&feature=related
Oh kneel me down again
Here at Your feet
Show me how much You love
Humility
Oh spirit be the star
That leads me to
The humble heart of love
I see in You
Cuz You are the God of the broken
The friend of the weak
You wash the feet of the weary
Embrace the ones in need
And I want to be like you Jesus
To have this heart in me
You are the God of the humble
You are the humble King
The world become still and silence
No word can better express the love that's felt that's indescribable that can only be experienced
...I was thinking yeah....love is an invisible bond, powerful, yet indescribable
Except...it almost become too abstract... after sitting for a while with this, feeling mesmerized...
Something so abstract makes me feel insecure....
Until. That moment when love is transformed into actions that bring people together
Kindness in words, in actions, and in cares - the essence of our humanness that's seen through our connection, living in this one world together because of Christ Jesus
Tyndale Chapel Podcast
http://www.tyndale.ca/podcasts/chapel
Dec. 7, 2010 Dr. Dr. Kevin Livingston
The Genealogy of Jesus the Messiah
The Humble King
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EKfy3ABMZI&feature=related
Oh kneel me down again
Here at Your feet
Show me how much You love
Humility
Oh spirit be the star
That leads me to
The humble heart of love
I see in You
Cuz You are the God of the broken
The friend of the weak
You wash the feet of the weary
Embrace the ones in need
And I want to be like you Jesus
To have this heart in me
You are the God of the humble
You are the humble King
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
classes
I'm really touched by the lecture in Therapeutic relationship - I felt that what I can describe of the lesson with Brian Cunningham and the class as a whole will not do justice to the class experience.
I felt that something was dissolving inside of me, the new knowledge that I received was not just knowledge but something that build me up as a person, strengthening and connecting in deeper dimensions and in new ways. A language of love that is not abstract, but something very practical. When this is integrated into the well-meaning beliefs, it becomes a living experience - profound and simple. It's very very great.
Thank you, Father.
~*
Chapel Experience yesterday was phenomenal –
Praise songs were moving – contemporary rock band =)
The Greatness of God
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uA9UR1lda7w&feature=related
And no sky contains
No doubt restrains, all You are
The Greatness of Our God
I'll spend my life to know
And I'm far from close
For all You are
The Greatness of Our God
There is none like you
I felt that something was dissolving inside of me, the new knowledge that I received was not just knowledge but something that build me up as a person, strengthening and connecting in deeper dimensions and in new ways. A language of love that is not abstract, but something very practical. When this is integrated into the well-meaning beliefs, it becomes a living experience - profound and simple. It's very very great.
Thank you, Father.
~*
Chapel Experience yesterday was phenomenal –
Praise songs were moving – contemporary rock band =)
The Greatness of God
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uA9UR1lda7w&feature=related
And no sky contains
No doubt restrains, all You are
The Greatness of Our God
I'll spend my life to know
And I'm far from close
For all You are
The Greatness of Our God
There is none like you
There is none like You
No one else can touch my heart like You do
I could search for all eternity long
And find there is none like You
Your mercy flows like a river wide
And healing comes from Your hands
Suffering children are safe in Your arms
There is none like You
Not only because I get to see the speaker from Urbana ’06 again – his message on Hebrew 11:1-6 was clear and precise –
Being sure and certain of what we hope for
Faith that leads to action
Explanation on the Doctrine of Creation, Salvation and Sanctification (verses 2 - 5)
Be willing to let God help us to Holy Living so that we can be used by Him in unimaginable way.
The clarity and precision and courage from the message transferred to us.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Devotion and Prayers
to grow in sensitivity towards other people =)
And my mom urges me to grow in maturity
yep yep, growing in maturity while maintaining my natural spontaneity
and....Sigh, I'm SO embarrassed for my grammatical mistake.....striving for improvement in this area!!!
"So often when we say "I love you" we say it with a huge "I" and a small "you". We use love as a conjunction instead of it being a verb implying action." - Anthony Bloom (Beginning to Pray, p.12)
"A couple who make a good marriage," writes Wendell Berry, "and raise healthy, morally competent children, are serving the world's future more directly and surely than any political leader, though they never utter a public word."
I really hope that I can do it!!! Devotion and Prayers....
And my mom urges me to grow in maturity
yep yep, growing in maturity while maintaining my natural spontaneity
and....Sigh, I'm SO embarrassed for my grammatical mistake.....striving for improvement in this area!!!
~*
A commentary quote that touches my heart while I studied a poem in the Bible last night -"So often when we say "I love you" we say it with a huge "I" and a small "you". We use love as a conjunction instead of it being a verb implying action." - Anthony Bloom (Beginning to Pray, p.12)
"A couple who make a good marriage," writes Wendell Berry, "and raise healthy, morally competent children, are serving the world's future more directly and surely than any political leader, though they never utter a public word."
I'm thankful for my parents who raised me up!
~*
School is so busy, and I don't have much time to blog - didn't have time to write down Every single thing that I learn, but okay, I hope my learning can reflect on my paper... I don't know if I have enough time ...I'm chasing every min and sec. before Dec. to finished the required reading!!!I really hope that I can do it!!! Devotion and Prayers....
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Do likewise
This week, also through thinking about the Scripture John 10, I learned what it meant to clearly present a message when I studied “voicing” with my piano teacher. When I was asked to play a piece of music, it seems like the main theme came out richer, clearer, and more communicative when I play according to the score, without adding any addition of my own =) I was encouraged to "speak only as the Word was received", "live accordingly to the Way that I was taught" and "do likewise" following Jesus’ example.
Let the music, let my living...speak for themselves.
Let the music, let my living...speak for themselves.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
...as spoken...
After piano class with David - after playing Rachmaninoff - an epiphany
A clear message I received, I present
not based out of my own interpretation, or intelligence
a clean, clear message
~*
in my study, I learn that if I am not able to position myself, I'll be shaken very easily. so I must stand firm in the Word that I receive, and live it out - not my own edition of the message
"do likewise"
"live accordingly"
"speak as received"
position myself either in humility or with great pride
thinking about my own motive or for the benefits of others
these will be my choices to make! so what will I do?
~*
As I am learning to put on my new self, I learn all over again, how to listen, how to speak, and how to present - This requires great attention, concentration and focus; and this is where perseverance will come in.
~*
there could be many things going on simultaneously in the music, harmonizing etc. but there is one clear voice that will stand out. - a simple, clear voice
~*
The ability to segregate the differences voices in a piece of music, help me to stay calm, and use my head rather than relying solely on emotion :)
yep
~*
this week is a week of Grace - there are lots of things going on at shcool and yeah, the bonding with my schoolmates is quite interesting - we do need one another.
~*
From Nodame Cantabile -
"Make performances that take people by the heart!"
A clear message I received, I present
not based out of my own interpretation, or intelligence
a clean, clear message
~*
in my study, I learn that if I am not able to position myself, I'll be shaken very easily. so I must stand firm in the Word that I receive, and live it out - not my own edition of the message
"do likewise"
"live accordingly"
"speak as received"
position myself either in humility or with great pride
thinking about my own motive or for the benefits of others
these will be my choices to make! so what will I do?
~*
As I am learning to put on my new self, I learn all over again, how to listen, how to speak, and how to present - This requires great attention, concentration and focus; and this is where perseverance will come in.
~*
there could be many things going on simultaneously in the music, harmonizing etc. but there is one clear voice that will stand out. - a simple, clear voice
~*
The ability to segregate the differences voices in a piece of music, help me to stay calm, and use my head rather than relying solely on emotion :)
yep
~*
this week is a week of Grace - there are lots of things going on at shcool and yeah, the bonding with my schoolmates is quite interesting - we do need one another.
~*
From Nodame Cantabile -
"Make performances that take people by the heart!"
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
The lonely road
Today chapel's topic is on "the lonely road" - Eugene Peterson's conference day. Although I didn't attend the conference, I got to listen to a sister who shared her own experience in the chapel.
depression, feelings of isolation, attack, hurts that go on in the church...afterall, it's not so uncommon; and yeah, I don't feel as lonely anymore because many people travel on the same path - those feelings are valid, but we are not isolated - there are people out there who do understand, and even more so, they need our support. hm...
hymn of the day:
You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all
Jesus, Lamb of God
Holy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name (x2)
Taking my cross my sin my shame
Raising again I bless Your name
You are my all in all
When I fall down You pick me up
When I run dry You fill my cup
You are my all in all
~*
Yeah, I don't handle stress very well, when I'm stress, I go crazy. (gotta make note of this) hm...and...yeah, I can't go against my nature too....when I don't sing, or when I don't laugh.....there must be something going on...hm.....(I think this is a new realization)
OK....
day 2 - present for my brother
depression, feelings of isolation, attack, hurts that go on in the church...afterall, it's not so uncommon; and yeah, I don't feel as lonely anymore because many people travel on the same path - those feelings are valid, but we are not isolated - there are people out there who do understand, and even more so, they need our support. hm...
hymn of the day:
You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all
Jesus, Lamb of God
Holy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name (x2)
Taking my cross my sin my shame
Raising again I bless Your name
You are my all in all
When I fall down You pick me up
When I run dry You fill my cup
You are my all in all
~*
Yeah, I don't handle stress very well, when I'm stress, I go crazy. (gotta make note of this) hm...and...yeah, I can't go against my nature too....when I don't sing, or when I don't laugh.....there must be something going on...hm.....(I think this is a new realization)
OK....
day 2 - present for my brother
Monday, October 25, 2010
feeling extremely unworthy and unqualified
in midst of these feelings...
I'll work hard in my study
focus
and follow when you want me to go and when you want me to stop
this is my conviction
I'll work hard in my study
focus
and follow when you want me to go and when you want me to stop
this is my conviction
unlearn things, but...One flock, One Shepherd
yes...I will be unlearning many things that I had previously learned, and my assumed way of being right.
yes - not that I've lost complete self-confidence, but on the contrary, this is the beginning of real confidence because.... I don't know, this journey has been really long
sometimes I forget all the happy, wonderful times, and dwell only in the negatives -
it's those time that I tend to neglect and ignore
I do ... never admit or recognized in the past that I was depressed...but yes, I think I was eaten up alive by depression before, and I just never recognized it
Not facing my depression causes tremendous harm and hurting people that I love most and loved me most.
And the result is just more guilt, agony and shame
~*
I think one benefit of being with healthy people is that I'm unconsciously under their influence.
what else can I say about my girl's cell group - other than - it's extremely ordinary yet profound - because we talk about our deepest frustration, including humiliation; we talk about relationship and wedding engagement; and we talk about family, and extended family
and through all these, there're tears and laughter.
And SO MANY TIMES, that I'd still doubt my friendship with them (and of course there are reasons why I'd doubt) and at those times, when I felt all isolated, as if I'm on an island that nobody would understand - I went back to my deeply depressed mode...
~*
I felt extremely extremely awful that I have hurt that person I love most, and loved me most over and over again - it's like an endless cycle
And the reason was? Pride - Self-centeredness - Greed - Lust - my defensiveness - and worst of all imbalance
So easily irritated in those times -
"always very gentle, but don't step on my toes, otherwise, there will be a wild outburst?"
The only way to change this...will never be something that I can strive to change or work harder on
The only way to change this ... is to fall back into His Grace (Psalm 1) and remember that.... If I live, it's by His Grace; If I die, it'll also His Grace
~*
yeah....I don't know - If my birthday this year, is intentionally teaching me how to die to my old self
I'll start learning to stop trusting myself so much, but unlearn my old way...yeah.... you ready? Unlearn the old things and take up the new self
b/c the old way just doesn't work
I'll learn to not over estimate myself too....hey, I need pop music, I need movies, and most important of all, I need friends - Friends, genuine friends who mutually support and share - not all those one sided relationship where I just give, and never dare to receive!
Willingness to receive - this is crazy - I was so spoiled to a point that I used to only receive, then I float to another extreme of Only giving....
now.....am I ready to both receive and give? and not over estimate myself and float again back in the river of love (although I am still haunted by the damage that I have caused, it's So damaged, So damaged...and I doubt if this is not beyond repair ... sigh!)
How deep is the love of Christ? I haven't yet fathomed
How can I serve the people best? I will never know what's really good for them, because I am not God, the only thing that I can do...is to follow Christ on my own journey
Is it time to take up my cross and follow Christ? I think so
Kaarina's Bible study -
"When he has brought out all his own, he goes ahead of them, and the sheep follow him because they know his voice."
I don't have to be all smart, but just to follow the shepherd, who walk in front of me. He walks, and I follow
it may be a very long long long walk (Psalm 23) - but He will lead me out onto the pasture
The shepherd always count his sheep
He leads, and I follow - He'll lead me out of the pen - sometimes to the cliff - but He will always always lead me to the pasture
I must
stay with the flock
and
Recongize His voice
jennie's music page
Joyce's insight
Wendy's gentle perseverance and wisdom
Salina's wittiness and wisdom
Jen's maturity ('tho she's the youngest)
Kathy's loving
Elizabeth's organization
Hannah's precision and kindness
Regine - hm....what's my trait :)
Jaz's artsy writing and thoughtfulness
Kaarina :) - the voice :) who follow the Shepherd
hm.....
yeah...
one flock, One Shepherd
~*
won't over-estimate myself
"live a life, worthy of the calling you've received, be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love and make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace."
I'll follow ...
I'm in this world, but not of the world.
yes - not that I've lost complete self-confidence, but on the contrary, this is the beginning of real confidence because.... I don't know, this journey has been really long
sometimes I forget all the happy, wonderful times, and dwell only in the negatives -
it's those time that I tend to neglect and ignore
I do ... never admit or recognized in the past that I was depressed...but yes, I think I was eaten up alive by depression before, and I just never recognized it
Not facing my depression causes tremendous harm and hurting people that I love most and loved me most.
And the result is just more guilt, agony and shame
~*
I think one benefit of being with healthy people is that I'm unconsciously under their influence.
what else can I say about my girl's cell group - other than - it's extremely ordinary yet profound - because we talk about our deepest frustration, including humiliation; we talk about relationship and wedding engagement; and we talk about family, and extended family
and through all these, there're tears and laughter.
And SO MANY TIMES, that I'd still doubt my friendship with them (and of course there are reasons why I'd doubt) and at those times, when I felt all isolated, as if I'm on an island that nobody would understand - I went back to my deeply depressed mode...
~*
I felt extremely extremely awful that I have hurt that person I love most, and loved me most over and over again - it's like an endless cycle
And the reason was? Pride - Self-centeredness - Greed - Lust - my defensiveness - and worst of all imbalance
So easily irritated in those times -
"always very gentle, but don't step on my toes, otherwise, there will be a wild outburst?"
The only way to change this...will never be something that I can strive to change or work harder on
The only way to change this ... is to fall back into His Grace (Psalm 1) and remember that.... If I live, it's by His Grace; If I die, it'll also His Grace
~*
yeah....I don't know - If my birthday this year, is intentionally teaching me how to die to my old self
I'll start learning to stop trusting myself so much, but unlearn my old way...yeah.... you ready? Unlearn the old things and take up the new self
b/c the old way just doesn't work
I'll learn to not over estimate myself too....hey, I need pop music, I need movies, and most important of all, I need friends - Friends, genuine friends who mutually support and share - not all those one sided relationship where I just give, and never dare to receive!
Willingness to receive - this is crazy - I was so spoiled to a point that I used to only receive, then I float to another extreme of Only giving....
now.....am I ready to both receive and give? and not over estimate myself and float again back in the river of love (although I am still haunted by the damage that I have caused, it's So damaged, So damaged...and I doubt if this is not beyond repair ... sigh!)
How deep is the love of Christ? I haven't yet fathomed
How can I serve the people best? I will never know what's really good for them, because I am not God, the only thing that I can do...is to follow Christ on my own journey
Is it time to take up my cross and follow Christ? I think so
Kaarina's Bible study -
"When he has brought out all his own, he goes ahead of them, and the sheep follow him because they know his voice."
I don't have to be all smart, but just to follow the shepherd, who walk in front of me. He walks, and I follow
it may be a very long long long walk (Psalm 23) - but He will lead me out onto the pasture
The shepherd always count his sheep
He leads, and I follow - He'll lead me out of the pen - sometimes to the cliff - but He will always always lead me to the pasture
I must
stay with the flock
and
Recongize His voice
jennie's music page
Joyce's insight
Wendy's gentle perseverance and wisdom
Salina's wittiness and wisdom
Jen's maturity ('tho she's the youngest)
Kathy's loving
Elizabeth's organization
Hannah's precision and kindness
Regine - hm....what's my trait :)
Jaz's artsy writing and thoughtfulness
Kaarina :) - the voice :) who follow the Shepherd
hm.....
yeah...
one flock, One Shepherd
~*
won't over-estimate myself
"live a life, worthy of the calling you've received, be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love and make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace."
I'll follow ...
I'm in this world, but not of the world.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
starting anew
I've taken the time to mourn for the "missing forever part"; and it's time to start anew :)
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Come, be refreshed
Nourishment - The Lord has given me strength to serve.
My school is a place where they equipped people to work for the Kingdom of G. Over and over again, I realized if I'm not well nourished, how can I serve others so that They will too, be well-nourished?
Truly, I'm glad that I went to chapel this morning. I almost missed it because...well...waking up late (not working according to what I would like to do) I'm glad that I went in the last minute despite my stress about reading, assignments and other things that occupied my mind.
1. yes, I want to learn English better - I haven't been trying at all....but Dr. Van Johnson and Kaarina just motivated me to try and do what I have passion for and be excellent in Everything that I do. They gave me courage to dream and live the dream again!
Colin and the worship team again did an amazing job leading us, helping us to sing. I was moved.
~*
October 5, 2010 (Tuesday Community Chapel – Dr. Van Johnson)
Worship songs
Everyone (Praises)
From The Inside Out
Breathe on Me, Breath of God
1. Breathe on me, Breath of God,
fill me with life anew,
that I may love what thou dost love,
and do what thou wouldst do.
2. Breathe on me, Breath of God,
until my heart is pure,
until with thee I will one will,
to do and to endure.
3. Breathe on me, Breath of God,
till I am wholly thine,
till all this earthly part of me
glows with thy fire divine.
4. Breathe on me, Breath of God,
so shall I never die,
but live with thee the perfect life
of thine eternity.
Preaching by Dr. Van Johnson (who’s witty, humorous, very knowledgeable, authentic, also, very very kind who loves God and people – with a cool face =)
Romans 12
“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer you bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God – this is true worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.
For by the grace given me I say to everyone of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgement, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of you has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.”
This is the Word of God for the people of God.
Dr. Van Johnson so humorously preached this passage with clarity. By coincidence (or no conincidence), I heard this passage being preached the 4th time within 5 days, since last Friday – the same passage – to present my body as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God.
Dr. Van Johnson preached –
The way our brain was built with the grey matters where neuro-synapses happen – the sparkles that fires between two neurons when we have new experience tells us that we are built and made to perceive new experience, each day, all the time.
What is the new thing that God wants us to experience everyday?
How do we present our body as living sacrifice?
(A silly story he presented about someone willing to pay $10,000 to look for a dead cat of his beloved wife – although this cat will never be found again =) and this is the exact same reason why the husband would be willing to pay $10,000 in the wanted Ad – Dr. Van Johnson tried to present us this idea of … Can we love other people without limit?)
We cannot eat or drink without limit (or we will not be seeing you very soon)
We cannot work without limit.
But to present our body as a living sacrifice, we do, can live our lives with gratitude to God without limit. And this is the only thing that we can do without limit living on this earth.
Jesus didn’t give us a detail explanation of each of the spiritual gift. He just says – if you have this – use it. If you have that, use it. Put your gift to use.
Lately, this continues to strike me … “you are the salt and light on earth” not that I can intentionally focus on making a difference where I live, basically I cannot because if I just keep focusing on making an impact or a difference, I’d have lost focus and my sincerity of loving God and People. Hence, no difference can ever be made.
But if I do, continue to strive to know God and live according to His teaching, as I learn to change in that way – faith working through love in the midst of hard realities – it will provide a thumbnail sketch of something that changes the world. (always falling short, of course; always partial, but noticeable and noticeably attractive).
I do not feel right when I lost connection with God, or when I eagerly try to get more of God, but what I can do is to wait for Him and His Agenda rather than always following mine.
You are the salt and light on earth – present your body as living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God.
My school is a place where they equipped people to work for the Kingdom of G. Over and over again, I realized if I'm not well nourished, how can I serve others so that They will too, be well-nourished?
Truly, I'm glad that I went to chapel this morning. I almost missed it because...well...waking up late (not working according to what I would like to do) I'm glad that I went in the last minute despite my stress about reading, assignments and other things that occupied my mind.
1. yes, I want to learn English better - I haven't been trying at all....but Dr. Van Johnson and Kaarina just motivated me to try and do what I have passion for and be excellent in Everything that I do. They gave me courage to dream and live the dream again!
Colin and the worship team again did an amazing job leading us, helping us to sing. I was moved.
~*
October 5, 2010 (Tuesday Community Chapel – Dr. Van Johnson)
Worship songs
Everyone (Praises)
From The Inside Out
Breathe on Me, Breath of God
1. Breathe on me, Breath of God,
fill me with life anew,
that I may love what thou dost love,
and do what thou wouldst do.
2. Breathe on me, Breath of God,
until my heart is pure,
until with thee I will one will,
to do and to endure.
3. Breathe on me, Breath of God,
till I am wholly thine,
till all this earthly part of me
glows with thy fire divine.
4. Breathe on me, Breath of God,
so shall I never die,
but live with thee the perfect life
of thine eternity.
Preaching by Dr. Van Johnson (who’s witty, humorous, very knowledgeable, authentic, also, very very kind who loves God and people – with a cool face =)
Romans 12
“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer you bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God – this is true worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.
For by the grace given me I say to everyone of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgement, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of you has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.”
This is the Word of God for the people of God.
Dr. Van Johnson so humorously preached this passage with clarity. By coincidence (or no conincidence), I heard this passage being preached the 4th time within 5 days, since last Friday – the same passage – to present my body as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God.
Dr. Van Johnson preached –
The way our brain was built with the grey matters where neuro-synapses happen – the sparkles that fires between two neurons when we have new experience tells us that we are built and made to perceive new experience, each day, all the time.
What is the new thing that God wants us to experience everyday?
How do we present our body as living sacrifice?
(A silly story he presented about someone willing to pay $10,000 to look for a dead cat of his beloved wife – although this cat will never be found again =) and this is the exact same reason why the husband would be willing to pay $10,000 in the wanted Ad – Dr. Van Johnson tried to present us this idea of … Can we love other people without limit?)
We cannot eat or drink without limit (or we will not be seeing you very soon)
We cannot work without limit.
But to present our body as a living sacrifice, we do, can live our lives with gratitude to God without limit. And this is the only thing that we can do without limit living on this earth.
Jesus didn’t give us a detail explanation of each of the spiritual gift. He just says – if you have this – use it. If you have that, use it. Put your gift to use.
Lately, this continues to strike me … “you are the salt and light on earth” not that I can intentionally focus on making a difference where I live, basically I cannot because if I just keep focusing on making an impact or a difference, I’d have lost focus and my sincerity of loving God and People. Hence, no difference can ever be made.
But if I do, continue to strive to know God and live according to His teaching, as I learn to change in that way – faith working through love in the midst of hard realities – it will provide a thumbnail sketch of something that changes the world. (always falling short, of course; always partial, but noticeable and noticeably attractive).
I do not feel right when I lost connection with God, or when I eagerly try to get more of God, but what I can do is to wait for Him and His Agenda rather than always following mine.
You are the salt and light on earth – present your body as living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God.
during class ...
Thursday - Sept. 30th
I don't know...I always thought seminary would be a boring place. The classes maybe engaging because of the intellectual ideas, but over all in all, I used to have this impression that Seminary is boring :P
To my surprise, this is not at all the case :)) There are a lot of laughter (I like the humour of most professors) and I like the chatty chatty atmostphere which many of the school mates are quite Chatty!! We talk A lot!!!! :P
Other than the course load and the reading and assignments we are required to do, I like Tyndale. lol
I was inspired...last Thursday after class...and wrote the following:
~*
Clara's msn status from Steve Jobs "Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish" reminds me of Henri Nouwen's Genesee Diary.
In Genesee Diary, Henri Nouwen said that...
"He who thinks that he has finished is finished. How true. Those who think that they have arrived, have lost their way. Those who think they have reached their goal, have missed it.
An important part of life is to keep longing, waiting, hoping, expecting.
Certain experiences may be transmitted by language, others - more profound - by silence; and then there are those that cannot be transmitted, not even by silence. [The Kotzker.] Never mind. Who says that experiences are made to be shared? They must be lived. That's all. And who says that truth is made to be revealed? It must be sought."
=)
Yes, today's class with Dr. Brian was insightful, because he naturally led us to a place where we are open to learn new things. He guided us, he opened with "stories" :) and taught us how to develop a kind of talking that open up free space to change. A free space where we engage with one another in conversation. This reminded me of Henri Nouwen's book where he told us that it is this free space that was created when we are not self-seeking, we nurture genuine relationship :) and our world becomes so much more dimensional :))
There was an epiphany moment in the piano class with Dr. David Swan last week. David was naturally analytical and rational, and I was...hm hm...not built that way. I always see myself as a student who learn from him, even when I interact my thoughts with his, I voice from my point of view, and we interact on the common ground where ideas are merged. But last week, for the first time, I look at things From His Perspective...from His Eyes....and it's a complete new vantage point where...hm...things are not only clearer, but have more depth and a much richer meaning!!! Yeah, emotions, humanly touch and artistic expression are not the Only thing. Living with other people, seeing things that they see, our world is so much fuller and richer.
I really enjoyed Dr. Brian's class today, did you, Clara?
Let's see where our learning will lead us!
Let's watch!
Looking forward to our classes together in the coming days and yearS! LOL!! ^o^
I don't know...I always thought seminary would be a boring place. The classes maybe engaging because of the intellectual ideas, but over all in all, I used to have this impression that Seminary is boring :P
To my surprise, this is not at all the case :)) There are a lot of laughter (I like the humour of most professors) and I like the chatty chatty atmostphere which many of the school mates are quite Chatty!! We talk A lot!!!! :P
Other than the course load and the reading and assignments we are required to do, I like Tyndale. lol
I was inspired...last Thursday after class...and wrote the following:
~*
Clara's msn status from Steve Jobs "Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish" reminds me of Henri Nouwen's Genesee Diary.
In Genesee Diary, Henri Nouwen said that...
"He who thinks that he has finished is finished. How true. Those who think that they have arrived, have lost their way. Those who think they have reached their goal, have missed it.
An important part of life is to keep longing, waiting, hoping, expecting.
Certain experiences may be transmitted by language, others - more profound - by silence; and then there are those that cannot be transmitted, not even by silence. [The Kotzker.] Never mind. Who says that experiences are made to be shared? They must be lived. That's all. And who says that truth is made to be revealed? It must be sought."
=)
Yes, today's class with Dr. Brian was insightful, because he naturally led us to a place where we are open to learn new things. He guided us, he opened with "stories" :) and taught us how to develop a kind of talking that open up free space to change. A free space where we engage with one another in conversation. This reminded me of Henri Nouwen's book where he told us that it is this free space that was created when we are not self-seeking, we nurture genuine relationship :) and our world becomes so much more dimensional :))
There was an epiphany moment in the piano class with Dr. David Swan last week. David was naturally analytical and rational, and I was...hm hm...not built that way. I always see myself as a student who learn from him, even when I interact my thoughts with his, I voice from my point of view, and we interact on the common ground where ideas are merged. But last week, for the first time, I look at things From His Perspective...from His Eyes....and it's a complete new vantage point where...hm...things are not only clearer, but have more depth and a much richer meaning!!! Yeah, emotions, humanly touch and artistic expression are not the Only thing. Living with other people, seeing things that they see, our world is so much fuller and richer.
I really enjoyed Dr. Brian's class today, did you, Clara?
Let's see where our learning will lead us!
Let's watch!
Looking forward to our classes together in the coming days and yearS! LOL!! ^o^
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Perichoresis - Living the Dance
3 weeks ago - School Orientation
last week - 1st week of classes - Even 'tho I had taken one course last semester, this first week was still...spent trying to adapt to the new environment, meeting people & the student council and introducing myself the other 1st year.
last week - 1st week of classes - Even 'tho I had taken one course last semester, this first week was still...spent trying to adapt to the new environment, meeting people & the student council and introducing myself the other 1st year.
=)) the first week of school in the fall was different from the experience taking one night class last term.
There were commencement, chapels, more people, more courses, and I felt all the more...stress.
Retreat weekend - camp fire
This week - 2nd week of classes
Thank you, Lord for the wonder that you put into my life.
Thank you Lord, for Kaarina, the Dean of Student Life
This week - 2nd week of classes
Thank you, Lord for the wonder that you put into my life.
Thank you Lord, for Kaarina, the Dean of Student Life
So I'm continuing to do what I have been doing in the past couple of years - Reading ... and highlighting the pages & my favorite quotes :) haha...and the only difference is now I have a whole community of Faith where we can express our own thoughts, interact, support, challenge and sharpen one another... This is the Best!!!
We are here to get trained to communicate clearly, authentically and lovely. Living a life worthy of the Grace that we received from Christ Jesus :)
We are here to get trained to communicate clearly, authentically and lovely. Living a life worthy of the Grace that we received from Christ Jesus :)
The President said last week - if you come to Tyndale, taking all the courses, but do not learn how to love God and one another, You have learn nothing.
He encouraged us to remember the gentle "tuck" of God on our Hearts.
Kaarina encouraged us by Jeremiah 9:23 -24 "Not to boast in anything but one thing"
~*
I wasn't able to handle four courses...I was in a mess last week, mentally, emotionally a little. But dropping the NT History makes me feel better, and more able to focus on the reading.
Actually..... :)) Everything I read last week...had basically slipped through my mind.
Yes.....So now I'm On the 2nd Week :))
I wasn't able to handle four courses...I was in a mess last week, mentally, emotionally a little. But dropping the NT History makes me feel better, and more able to focus on the reading.
Actually..... :)) Everything I read last week...had basically slipped through my mind.
Yes.....So now I'm On the 2nd Week :))
Reading the beautiful risk by James H. Olthuis
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Community of Faith - To You belongs the highest Praise
Living the dance in the next three years
God, to You belongs the highest Praise
Since 3 years ago, after the mission trip to China, my path to study in the seminary has lined up. Seminary is the last place I'd ever imagine myself to be. I had never imagine myself studying in the seminary. God Himself has been guiding me through all these journeys.
2006 Summer DMBC & Kaarina's Bible study group
2006 Dec Urbana
2008 Mission trip
2009 working at Rogers (meeting friends along the way taking Go bus) - becoming a person filled with warmth because I really enjoyed my co-workers despite all the politics and rumours. Saved up enough tuition to pursue further education
2010 Jan - my first course in Spiritual formation with Dr. David Sherbino
And I am thankful for people in my life who really did leave a footprint in my life, Vincent Law, Ah Yum, DMBC (All of you), Kaarina & Girls' cell group, Melodie Chan and Dr. David Swan, my piano teacher and my family.
All of you have helped me to grow to become a more practical person and yet not lose sight of who I am created to be, you've shown me so much beyond I could ever imagine. Thank you Father, God.
Praise the Lord, that I am here, @ Tyndale, today, where I feel home, where I feel at peace where I feel So happy!
Thanks to Kaarina who has been our girls' cell group Bible study leader. She has taught me so much so much. She hugged me with great strength, she's very kind and has taught me a lot about the Bible.
Because of her caring, warmth and kindness, (the attention that she has given me as if I'm one of the most special person in this world) I become able to love and support others around me, including my family.
Ah Yum - she led me to know Jesus in person :)
Today is the second time attending chapel in the seminary. I don't know why I cry every single time when Colin started singing. Was I moved? Yes, I think so....I have no word for what I felt in the heart when he sang, or when he led us to Praise the Lord. I was moved.
Praise the Father, Praise the Son
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxiN7nkv1gs
Yes, like our student president said - Live the dance with Father, Son and HS - Perichoresis
In the next three years, I'll have to learn to be focus, really Focus and live the dance. I'm glad that I'm in the community of Faith where we'll all support, affirm and strength one another. There is a lot of course work to do, and I'll have to plan wisely with one focus, one passion - to Love Christ Jesus my Lord, with all my heart, my soul, my mind, and with all my strength.
Professors have done a good job doing their best teaching me.
I'll have to learn to teach well, to all my piano students; and also to live well, to grow in knowledge and in character so that others will know that my choice of studying is not random, so that others may know Christ Jesus.
Father Lord, help me and guide me. Don't let go.
(1st week of School after the orientation)
God, to You belongs the highest Praise
Since 3 years ago, after the mission trip to China, my path to study in the seminary has lined up. Seminary is the last place I'd ever imagine myself to be. I had never imagine myself studying in the seminary. God Himself has been guiding me through all these journeys.
2006 Summer DMBC & Kaarina's Bible study group
2006 Dec Urbana
2008 Mission trip
2009 working at Rogers (meeting friends along the way taking Go bus) - becoming a person filled with warmth because I really enjoyed my co-workers despite all the politics and rumours. Saved up enough tuition to pursue further education
2010 Jan - my first course in Spiritual formation with Dr. David Sherbino
And I am thankful for people in my life who really did leave a footprint in my life, Vincent Law, Ah Yum, DMBC (All of you), Kaarina & Girls' cell group, Melodie Chan and Dr. David Swan, my piano teacher and my family.
All of you have helped me to grow to become a more practical person and yet not lose sight of who I am created to be, you've shown me so much beyond I could ever imagine. Thank you Father, God.
Praise the Lord, that I am here, @ Tyndale, today, where I feel home, where I feel at peace where I feel So happy!
Thanks to Kaarina who has been our girls' cell group Bible study leader. She has taught me so much so much. She hugged me with great strength, she's very kind and has taught me a lot about the Bible.
Because of her caring, warmth and kindness, (the attention that she has given me as if I'm one of the most special person in this world) I become able to love and support others around me, including my family.
Ah Yum - she led me to know Jesus in person :)
Today is the second time attending chapel in the seminary. I don't know why I cry every single time when Colin started singing. Was I moved? Yes, I think so....I have no word for what I felt in the heart when he sang, or when he led us to Praise the Lord. I was moved.
Praise the Father, Praise the Son
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxiN7nkv1gs
Yes, like our student president said - Live the dance with Father, Son and HS - Perichoresis
In the next three years, I'll have to learn to be focus, really Focus and live the dance. I'm glad that I'm in the community of Faith where we'll all support, affirm and strength one another. There is a lot of course work to do, and I'll have to plan wisely with one focus, one passion - to Love Christ Jesus my Lord, with all my heart, my soul, my mind, and with all my strength.
Professors have done a good job doing their best teaching me.
I'll have to learn to teach well, to all my piano students; and also to live well, to grow in knowledge and in character so that others will know that my choice of studying is not random, so that others may know Christ Jesus.
Father Lord, help me and guide me. Don't let go.
(1st week of School after the orientation)
Friday, August 20, 2010
Lesson with David Swan (Dufferin & Bloor)
Schumann
be light on the left hand (made me aware of what it mean in Ephesians 6 - the armour of God - what it meant by "the Gospel of Peace should be light and not heavy")
should sound like lift up rather than pressing down
don't swim against the current (accent on places only indicated)
made me aware of the truth.....and the application of it...
sometimes, I still wonder what's that that's lacking...that's holding me back from playing the original interpretation of the musical piece....
is it practice? or something else??
...learning more about the truth...
my teacher does seem to me that He know the truth....
The truth of the Bible.
be light on the left hand (made me aware of what it mean in Ephesians 6 - the armour of God - what it meant by "the Gospel of Peace should be light and not heavy")
should sound like lift up rather than pressing down
don't swim against the current (accent on places only indicated)
made me aware of the truth.....and the application of it...
sometimes, I still wonder what's that that's lacking...that's holding me back from playing the original interpretation of the musical piece....
is it practice? or something else??
...learning more about the truth...
my teacher does seem to me that He know the truth....
The truth of the Bible.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
insights
Regine’s Insight after the trip to Nova Scotia and PEI, NB and Quebec – to live a more structured life (with tasks prioritized, with result achieved, and live according to planned schedule / time frame – be punctual)
fresh and good
My mind is all refreshed, and I'm feeling great after the trip!
I think I Really love the Maritimes provinces and Quebec city! I wish I could understand why and discern the reason for that....but...I don't know, I just feel really lively, and spirit filled being surrounded by the people there....or maybe I love river and ocean a lot too!!
Summer nights in Quebec city were good.......it reminded me of the time studying at Laval. I really should work on my French again!! just so that I can have the ability to communicate with them locally! :)
Gotta learn mandarin and french :)
I guess I really love being around with people...........The people on the tour and people in the Maritime provinces and Quebec make me feel SO happy and lively!
They really show me how summer could be!!
Now back to the reality........
let's get some work done....and interview tmw....and planning for retreat the day after....
I think I Really love the Maritimes provinces and Quebec city! I wish I could understand why and discern the reason for that....but...I don't know, I just feel really lively, and spirit filled being surrounded by the people there....or maybe I love river and ocean a lot too!!
Summer nights in Quebec city were good.......it reminded me of the time studying at Laval. I really should work on my French again!! just so that I can have the ability to communicate with them locally! :)
Gotta learn mandarin and french :)
I guess I really love being around with people...........The people on the tour and people in the Maritime provinces and Quebec make me feel SO happy and lively!
They really show me how summer could be!!
Now back to the reality........
let's get some work done....and interview tmw....and planning for retreat the day after....
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Lovely trip to PEI, NS, NB and Quebec
God's way always always work.
How awesome our trip is...everything is almost perfect. I love the people on the tour too!
Thanks Lord, you fix the problem....you provide solution......you show me new things that I should be aware of........You solve the problem for real, and in a very short time.
It's so different from how I'd drag...but still wasn't able to solve anything.
You're awesome, and Your ways, Always work.
How awesome our trip is...everything is almost perfect. I love the people on the tour too!
Thanks Lord, you fix the problem....you provide solution......you show me new things that I should be aware of........You solve the problem for real, and in a very short time.
It's so different from how I'd drag...but still wasn't able to solve anything.
You're awesome, and Your ways, Always work.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Live by Grace, not by Law
:) Who says God's way doesn't work?
God's way Always work :)
blessed - to have been in the softball team S.O.U.L.
blessed - to have my cell group
blessed - to have my family
blessed - because we've God.
thank you for all the teachers/friends/people that you placed around me
Kaarina - Love God first, then Love others, Love thy own self last. Thank you for all the gifts...you'll only give us nice gifts. Always giving people the best....serving the Lord with your very best. A role-model. Love.
Inspiration from E&J's wedding "Be thou my Vision"
There are a lot of things in my prayers....There're many many things....I'm glad Father has taught and shaped me through these years. I pray that Father will always always guide me, don't leave me, and I'll follow.
to follow....
I hope that Mom and Dad will always be happy!
I hope that I know the way how to honour my parents.
I hope that I can do my best and always think about other people's interests and their needs before mine!
Love.
Lord, I am sorry for the way how I lived my life in the past 27 years....mr. e shows that if works are good, they will eventually get recognized no matter what. Be good - give your best - do not bother about other things or try to impress people
Honour my parents...
I just read Kat`s blog by coincidence too....I know everybody does have his or her story.
The Lord is good, He is Gracious.
I repent and confess to live a new life. I died to my old self a couple of times since Feb 2010 this year already. Once in awhile, my old habits will still come back to haunt me, but yeah, today, after reading Mr. e`s note, I have made up my mind to live a new life.
I will start by waking up early tmw :)
Early birds get to eat worm
Work hard, strive hard for one goal, with one pure passion
Live by the Spirit - not out of your own strenght :)
God's way Always work :)
blessed - to have been in the softball team S.O.U.L.
blessed - to have my cell group
blessed - to have my family
blessed - because we've God.
thank you for all the teachers/friends/people that you placed around me
Kaarina - Love God first, then Love others, Love thy own self last. Thank you for all the gifts...you'll only give us nice gifts. Always giving people the best....serving the Lord with your very best. A role-model. Love.
Inspiration from E&J's wedding "Be thou my Vision"
There are a lot of things in my prayers....There're many many things....I'm glad Father has taught and shaped me through these years. I pray that Father will always always guide me, don't leave me, and I'll follow.
to follow....
I hope that Mom and Dad will always be happy!
I hope that I know the way how to honour my parents.
I hope that I can do my best and always think about other people's interests and their needs before mine!
Love.
Lord, I am sorry for the way how I lived my life in the past 27 years....mr. e shows that if works are good, they will eventually get recognized no matter what. Be good - give your best - do not bother about other things or try to impress people
Honour my parents...
I just read Kat`s blog by coincidence too....I know everybody does have his or her story.
The Lord is good, He is Gracious.
I repent and confess to live a new life. I died to my old self a couple of times since Feb 2010 this year already. Once in awhile, my old habits will still come back to haunt me, but yeah, today, after reading Mr. e`s note, I have made up my mind to live a new life.
I will start by waking up early tmw :)
Early birds get to eat worm
Work hard, strive hard for one goal, with one pure passion
Live by the Spirit - not out of your own strenght :)
Saturday, July 10, 2010
cleaning up
After two week rests, finally I got up to do some cleaning up around the house.
Have always been spending so much time moving forward.....doing new things, buying new things....eager to spend every minute to read new postings or other "new" stuff...
yeah, who've time to spend going through old stuff.....
until...well yeah.....a moment to quiet down and look back!
Hannah from China emailed me today...she always reminded me of things that I said or pictures that I showed her TWO years ago...not only does everything that she says warmed my heart.......I am touched how deep friendship can be when two persons truly, genuinely open themselves......
This is Real. This is Real. I love real things....Always, Always like real things.
So for the past 2 quiet weeks, I have been going through old stuff, old pictures.........
real story, real blessings......
The story of my creator's hands in my life.....
rather than being caught up by the latest news fed or indulging in the emotions of the moment....which are all fleeting .... and.......... which values can vanish quickly...........
cleaning up and looking back cleanse my soul.....telling me very important things and giving me a sense of motivation that propel me forward.......
...the quiet time....
Have always been spending so much time moving forward.....doing new things, buying new things....eager to spend every minute to read new postings or other "new" stuff...
yeah, who've time to spend going through old stuff.....
until...well yeah.....a moment to quiet down and look back!
Hannah from China emailed me today...she always reminded me of things that I said or pictures that I showed her TWO years ago...not only does everything that she says warmed my heart.......I am touched how deep friendship can be when two persons truly, genuinely open themselves......
This is Real. This is Real. I love real things....Always, Always like real things.
So for the past 2 quiet weeks, I have been going through old stuff, old pictures.........
real story, real blessings......
The story of my creator's hands in my life.....
rather than being caught up by the latest news fed or indulging in the emotions of the moment....which are all fleeting .... and.......... which values can vanish quickly...........
cleaning up and looking back cleanse my soul.....telling me very important things and giving me a sense of motivation that propel me forward.......
...the quiet time....
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Book of Joshua
Joshua 1:9 the Lord of all Heaven and Earth spoke to Joshua -
"I command you - be strong and courageous! Do not be afriad or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
Dear Friends, you're in my prayers! Much love. =)
(even nobody will read this, I love you!)
Thanks Joyce and Jonathan who were the leaders who made this verse so memorable, in the first plase.
"I command you - be strong and courageous! Do not be afriad or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
Dear Friends, you're in my prayers! Much love. =)
(even nobody will read this, I love you!)
Thanks Joyce and Jonathan who were the leaders who made this verse so memorable, in the first plase.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Sunday - thankful
DMBC-ers....you guys make me wanted to grow in knowledge....
you guys are so friendly....I couldn't help, but you guys are real attractive :)
cooking, cleaning, playing ball, eating, thinking about others, making sure others feel good ... u guys....what could I say? :)
you guys are so friendly....I couldn't help, but you guys are real attractive :)
cooking, cleaning, playing ball, eating, thinking about others, making sure others feel good ... u guys....what could I say? :)
Saturday, July 3, 2010
After first Soul-cial BBQ
Lord, thanks Lord, you treat me so well :)
I think to myself...having you treating me so well, how can I keep treating myself badly........
it seems like I'm the only one who'd treat myself badly.... :) stop doing that now.....
stay pretty, exercise, be neat and tidy always, be more organize and plan a little bit :) hang around with fun people MORE!! yep yep!! All these will propel you forward! yes yes!
I think to myself...having you treating me so well, how can I keep treating myself badly........
it seems like I'm the only one who'd treat myself badly.... :) stop doing that now.....
stay pretty, exercise, be neat and tidy always, be more organize and plan a little bit :) hang around with fun people MORE!! yep yep!! All these will propel you forward! yes yes!
Friday, July 2, 2010
Thursday Lesson with David Swan
Mr. and Mrs. Swan -
I am amazed by my teacher's artistry
1) focus, definitely very focus and have a sense of direction
2) balance, simple and pure
3) I thank Lord for allowing me to meet a God-fearing teacher who truly honors the gift from God, uses it to do the work God wanted him to do, serves wholeheartedly for the good of other people, always strive for excellence, but never never, not even the slightest sense that this teacher will try to use this gift and talent from the Lord to "make money" for the sake of gaining great wealth.
4) easy-going, very easy to understand, someone who's understanding, yet, has his limit and keep his privacy
Yes, that's Art - they choose the work that they do (not out of arrogance or pride) but they limit what they do so they can perform with excellence
very humble man
not proud
easy-going
subtle
do things in context (for example: know the character of a piece)
virtuosity: excellent and noble
humourous, fun, not dull, and entertaining
natural
graceful
not forceful (sometimes I'd try to squeeze when I feel insecure and a result of bad habits - mannerism)
understanding
clear with great clarity
hard-working (always hard-working, their works are their statement :) and they will have lots of work to do)
Mr. Swan and I believe Mrs. Swan too - they show me all these amazing qualities out of fear of God and seeking after God's own heart every moment every day. I wish I'll meet Mrs. Swan one day.
I'm extremely touched and extremely inspired.
After playing softball yesterday (greatly appreciated Tim and Ian for teaching me to throw and catch) and realizing my limitation and knowing that's not my gifted area, I was inspired to yeah....recognize my area of strength and put more work into developing my skills.
Focus - and Seek after God's own heart :)
(Jenny Poon)
~*
Canada day today :) what did you do today? I miss you a lot, a lot, a lot....today is Canada day. I thought of you every summer, in every random moment and event. craziness.
I am amazed by my teacher's artistry
1) focus, definitely very focus and have a sense of direction
2) balance, simple and pure
3) I thank Lord for allowing me to meet a God-fearing teacher who truly honors the gift from God, uses it to do the work God wanted him to do, serves wholeheartedly for the good of other people, always strive for excellence, but never never, not even the slightest sense that this teacher will try to use this gift and talent from the Lord to "make money" for the sake of gaining great wealth.
4) easy-going, very easy to understand, someone who's understanding, yet, has his limit and keep his privacy
Yes, that's Art - they choose the work that they do (not out of arrogance or pride) but they limit what they do so they can perform with excellence
very humble man
not proud
easy-going
subtle
do things in context (for example: know the character of a piece)
virtuosity: excellent and noble
humourous, fun, not dull, and entertaining
natural
graceful
not forceful (sometimes I'd try to squeeze when I feel insecure and a result of bad habits - mannerism)
understanding
clear with great clarity
hard-working (always hard-working, their works are their statement :) and they will have lots of work to do)
Mr. Swan and I believe Mrs. Swan too - they show me all these amazing qualities out of fear of God and seeking after God's own heart every moment every day. I wish I'll meet Mrs. Swan one day.
I'm extremely touched and extremely inspired.
After playing softball yesterday (greatly appreciated Tim and Ian for teaching me to throw and catch) and realizing my limitation and knowing that's not my gifted area, I was inspired to yeah....recognize my area of strength and put more work into developing my skills.
Focus - and Seek after God's own heart :)
(Jenny Poon)
~*
Canada day today :) what did you do today? I miss you a lot, a lot, a lot....today is Canada day. I thought of you every summer, in every random moment and event. craziness.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Seeking after Father's own heart (Jenny Poon)
Grey's Anatomy:
Get Better. and Live! (dear people)
Victories is counted by the lives saved.
Get Better. and Live! (dear people)
Victories is counted by the lives saved.
SC 2010
amazing speaker during SC 2010 - satisfying my appetit for the Word!
A very lovely closure to the lovely farewell I had with people at 10 Dyas last Friday! I will keep everything that you guys said and the encouraging word in my heart! I pray that the wonderful friendship that was built will grow and the broken relationship with Indriani, Kara and Larrie will be redeemed / repaired.
Goodbye Business, Goodbye Commerce, Goodbye finanical analysing, goodbye forecasting/budget - Huge relief
Father, thank you for the intimate guidance on my every step - you open my eyes, and you're really amazing....you lead me on to journey that I have never expected, finding lovely friendship that is beyond my imagination! I do love you.
If I fail in being faithful, I know you'll remain faithful.
You who begin the work in me will not stop until the work is complete.
My task is to seek and follow your heart, Jesus - and to grow to know you. I love you.
A very lovely closure to the lovely farewell I had with people at 10 Dyas last Friday! I will keep everything that you guys said and the encouraging word in my heart! I pray that the wonderful friendship that was built will grow and the broken relationship with Indriani, Kara and Larrie will be redeemed / repaired.
Goodbye Business, Goodbye Commerce, Goodbye finanical analysing, goodbye forecasting/budget - Huge relief
Father, thank you for the intimate guidance on my every step - you open my eyes, and you're really amazing....you lead me on to journey that I have never expected, finding lovely friendship that is beyond my imagination! I do love you.
If I fail in being faithful, I know you'll remain faithful.
You who begin the work in me will not stop until the work is complete.
My task is to seek and follow your heart, Jesus - and to grow to know you. I love you.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Excerpt from books
(p. 51 Experiencing Grief, H. Norman Wright)
“Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence” (Psalm 42:5 NASB)
It reminds us that God is present. There is never a moment that he isn’t walking with us. In grief we feel isolated, alone. When we focus on that feeling, we forget that we are never, ever alone.
It may help to say, “God, you say you are present. I don’t feel your presence. I feel your absence. God, work on my mind so I remember that you are present, and in time I may feel your presence. But right now I need the knowledge.”
Remember another Psalm: “I sought the Lord, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears … The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:4)
Remember Jesus’ promise: “I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.” (John 16:20)
~*
The Expression of Tears (p. 34 Experiencing Grief, H. Norman Wright)
So much is distilled in our tears, not the least of which is wisdom in living life. From my own tears I have learned that if you follow your tears, you will find you heart. If you find your heart, you will find what is dear to God. And if you find what is dear to God, you will find the answer to how you should live your life. (Ken Gire, Windows of the Soul, p. 195)
A promise for your future is found in Psalm 126: 5 – 6:
Those who sow in tears
Will reap with songs of joy.
He who goes out weeping,
Carrying seed to sow,
Will return with songs of joy,
Carrying sheaves with him.
Psalm 18: 16 – 19
He reached down from on high
And took hold of me;
He drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
From my foes, who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
But the LORD was my support.
He brought me into a spacious place;
He rescued me because he delighted in me.
(p. 33 Experiencing Grief, H. Norman Wright)
Do you hear how God regards you? He not only loves you; he delights in you. During your darkest hour hold on to those words. Not only that but God moves “near to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18 NASB)
~*
(p. 70 Experiencing Grief, H. Norman Wright)
At some point “letting go” will be a step in your grief journey. We resist it because we think it means not caring anymore or blocking out the memories of my loved one. Letting go is not the same as not caring. It doesn’t mean not remembering your loved one. You want to do that. You need to, for memories are what you have left. Initially those sharp memories can be painful, but in time they begin to fade, and that in itself can be another loss. No, letting go means taking the energy and emotional investment you had in that relationship and beginning to invest it elsewhere. It’s shifting your focus. Letting go is leaving behind the person you lost in such a way that you’re free to move on. To let go you need to recognize what needs letting go. It could be regrets, unfulfilled expectations, anger, the lifestyle you used to have, or even a routine. Easy? No. Necessary? Yes. There’s an insecurity in letting go but a greater security in embracing life. It’s a process that may be repetitive, and some days will seem frerr than others. And it occurs when you are ready. [ Joyce Rupp, Praying Our Goodbyes (New York: Ivy Books, 1988), 94 – 97]
“Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence” (Psalm 42:5 NASB)
It reminds us that God is present. There is never a moment that he isn’t walking with us. In grief we feel isolated, alone. When we focus on that feeling, we forget that we are never, ever alone.
It may help to say, “God, you say you are present. I don’t feel your presence. I feel your absence. God, work on my mind so I remember that you are present, and in time I may feel your presence. But right now I need the knowledge.”
Remember another Psalm: “I sought the Lord, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears … The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:4)
Remember Jesus’ promise: “I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.” (John 16:20)
~*
The Expression of Tears (p. 34 Experiencing Grief, H. Norman Wright)
So much is distilled in our tears, not the least of which is wisdom in living life. From my own tears I have learned that if you follow your tears, you will find you heart. If you find your heart, you will find what is dear to God. And if you find what is dear to God, you will find the answer to how you should live your life. (Ken Gire, Windows of the Soul, p. 195)
A promise for your future is found in Psalm 126: 5 – 6:
Those who sow in tears
Will reap with songs of joy.
He who goes out weeping,
Carrying seed to sow,
Will return with songs of joy,
Carrying sheaves with him.
Psalm 18: 16 – 19
He reached down from on high
And took hold of me;
He drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
From my foes, who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
But the LORD was my support.
He brought me into a spacious place;
He rescued me because he delighted in me.
(p. 33 Experiencing Grief, H. Norman Wright)
Do you hear how God regards you? He not only loves you; he delights in you. During your darkest hour hold on to those words. Not only that but God moves “near to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18 NASB)
~*
(p. 70 Experiencing Grief, H. Norman Wright)
At some point “letting go” will be a step in your grief journey. We resist it because we think it means not caring anymore or blocking out the memories of my loved one. Letting go is not the same as not caring. It doesn’t mean not remembering your loved one. You want to do that. You need to, for memories are what you have left. Initially those sharp memories can be painful, but in time they begin to fade, and that in itself can be another loss. No, letting go means taking the energy and emotional investment you had in that relationship and beginning to invest it elsewhere. It’s shifting your focus. Letting go is leaving behind the person you lost in such a way that you’re free to move on. To let go you need to recognize what needs letting go. It could be regrets, unfulfilled expectations, anger, the lifestyle you used to have, or even a routine. Easy? No. Necessary? Yes. There’s an insecurity in letting go but a greater security in embracing life. It’s a process that may be repetitive, and some days will seem frerr than others. And it occurs when you are ready. [ Joyce Rupp, Praying Our Goodbyes (New York: Ivy Books, 1988), 94 – 97]
Friday, June 18, 2010
Extraavaganza 2010 Summer
Dear girls' group, all of you are so beautiful....showing me how daughters of God are truly like.
I'm not the same person after meeting you all, all of you are so beautiful and lively, genuine and natural. You've helped me to grow to becoming a better me and....I am happy, but there is no word to describe it...I am still and quiet, and filled with joy - this is a solemn moment I always always want it to stay and not fade away....this is my feelings everytime after our meetings. This is so nourishing and fill with life.
Dear Kaarina, you're our teacher. Your grace and patience welcome every single one of us, coming to you, sharing just everything that's on our hearts, thank you for welcoming us the way that we are. Your Bible teaching penetrate in all areas of my life like a sweet aroma, the teaching and the understanding just come in handy whenever I need it. Thank you. I will pray for your health and recovery on the foot surgery.
Dear Hannah....thank you so much....your quiet and gentle spirit nurture people around you. Thank you for your sensitivity and your kindness.
Dear Elizabeth ... you're very gifted and talented. You're very organize and plan everything very well. You did so many things that benefit people around you...you're always naturally comforting people around you.
(I am so touched, I feel like crying today....I'm so touched by the love and joy that I experienced at dinner.)
Love multiply and Joy is contagious....
Kathy and Salina...it's amusing to just listen to the stories and jokes you girls tell......so much laughter......thank you girls, for so sensitively understanding, you girls have taught me how to sensitively concern about the needs of other people. Kathy, your gift in Art and Craft capture my heart, and your loving kindness truly go straight to my heart. Salina....you're witty...and fun, and humorous and both of you are SO beautiful!
Jen - you're the youngest one among us, but you're wise, and you know and you do so much for us...not to mention your beauty too - you're inspiring.
Jaz - =) you know you're cool and beautiful; whether you talk or when you're remain quiet, when you write or play the piano....Jaz......
Wendy - I learned so much from you ... you truly have a gift in prayers / always well-planned and well organized, I wonder where you find so many information on raising children. I will continue to pray that Lil Lil and Ben Ben will grow up healthily to become godly people who will serve the Lord whole-heartedly.
Joyce and Jenny - we miss you today at Extraavaganza
Joyce: a real explorer who has been to SO many parts of the world already and is continuing to travel around the world with Jon now - trying to truly learn the needs of each place and each people group so they can serve them better
Jenny: you're humourous and natural :) so kind-hearted and sensitive / Thank you for your encouragement Always.
You girls help me to grow to see my potential, and give me faith to live up to the call even before I see my potential. From the bottom of my heart - Thank you.
With all your company, I'm less afriad to live out my call and fight against the things that are unsatisfying. Each one of you truly tell me how ...by standing firm, you can make a difference those around you. You have made a difference in my life.
Regine - I want to make a positive difference too....not by trying, or striving, but by...naturally dwelling in the River of Grace from the Lord - and let gentleness / patience / kindness naturally welcoming people into my life
while I live and do work with prudence and excellence.
This is My Commitment.
All of you - help me to understand biblical teaching very practically, lively and interestingly in everyday life.
I love you, Thank you for the Love!
I'm not the same person after meeting you all, all of you are so beautiful and lively, genuine and natural. You've helped me to grow to becoming a better me and....I am happy, but there is no word to describe it...I am still and quiet, and filled with joy - this is a solemn moment I always always want it to stay and not fade away....this is my feelings everytime after our meetings. This is so nourishing and fill with life.
Dear Kaarina, you're our teacher. Your grace and patience welcome every single one of us, coming to you, sharing just everything that's on our hearts, thank you for welcoming us the way that we are. Your Bible teaching penetrate in all areas of my life like a sweet aroma, the teaching and the understanding just come in handy whenever I need it. Thank you. I will pray for your health and recovery on the foot surgery.
Dear Hannah....thank you so much....your quiet and gentle spirit nurture people around you. Thank you for your sensitivity and your kindness.
Dear Elizabeth ... you're very gifted and talented. You're very organize and plan everything very well. You did so many things that benefit people around you...you're always naturally comforting people around you.
(I am so touched, I feel like crying today....I'm so touched by the love and joy that I experienced at dinner.)
Love multiply and Joy is contagious....
Kathy and Salina...it's amusing to just listen to the stories and jokes you girls tell......so much laughter......thank you girls, for so sensitively understanding, you girls have taught me how to sensitively concern about the needs of other people. Kathy, your gift in Art and Craft capture my heart, and your loving kindness truly go straight to my heart. Salina....you're witty...and fun, and humorous and both of you are SO beautiful!
Jen - you're the youngest one among us, but you're wise, and you know and you do so much for us...not to mention your beauty too - you're inspiring.
Jaz - =) you know you're cool and beautiful; whether you talk or when you're remain quiet, when you write or play the piano....Jaz......
Wendy - I learned so much from you ... you truly have a gift in prayers / always well-planned and well organized, I wonder where you find so many information on raising children. I will continue to pray that Lil Lil and Ben Ben will grow up healthily to become godly people who will serve the Lord whole-heartedly.
Joyce and Jenny - we miss you today at Extraavaganza
Joyce: a real explorer who has been to SO many parts of the world already and is continuing to travel around the world with Jon now - trying to truly learn the needs of each place and each people group so they can serve them better
Jenny: you're humourous and natural :) so kind-hearted and sensitive / Thank you for your encouragement Always.
You girls help me to grow to see my potential, and give me faith to live up to the call even before I see my potential. From the bottom of my heart - Thank you.
With all your company, I'm less afriad to live out my call and fight against the things that are unsatisfying. Each one of you truly tell me how ...by standing firm, you can make a difference those around you. You have made a difference in my life.
Regine - I want to make a positive difference too....not by trying, or striving, but by...naturally dwelling in the River of Grace from the Lord - and let gentleness / patience / kindness naturally welcoming people into my life
while I live and do work with prudence and excellence.
This is My Commitment.
All of you - help me to understand biblical teaching very practically, lively and interestingly in everyday life.
I love you, Thank you for the Love!
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Softball (game 2 - My first game)
I couldn't believe I was standing on the field this afternoon....
batting.....and my bat had contact with the ball......it's Completely unbelievable..............Next practice, I've gotta be more serious and try harder...just have to run faster faster......sprint!!!!!!!
I learned the rules for softball and how to run to different bases............hm.........recalling my first practice a couple weeks ago, I have absolutely No clue!! Wow, I am amazed.
The team and the coaches are So encouraging................This is unbelievable....and we've 1 devotion after each game. I had never been in a team sport befor. This is definitely a very blessed start. Thank you, Heavenly Father.
Gotta continue to protect myself with sport tape...and gotta practice more to prevent from injuries. This is neat.
Yeah, Chester and my brother encouraged me to go play and have fun........I never expect playing softball would be fun, but this is definitely an enjoyable afternoon!! neat! Cool!
batting.....and my bat had contact with the ball......it's Completely unbelievable..............Next practice, I've gotta be more serious and try harder...just have to run faster faster......sprint!!!!!!!
I learned the rules for softball and how to run to different bases............hm.........recalling my first practice a couple weeks ago, I have absolutely No clue!! Wow, I am amazed.
The team and the coaches are So encouraging................This is unbelievable....and we've 1 devotion after each game. I had never been in a team sport befor. This is definitely a very blessed start. Thank you, Heavenly Father.
Gotta continue to protect myself with sport tape...and gotta practice more to prevent from injuries. This is neat.
Yeah, Chester and my brother encouraged me to go play and have fun........I never expect playing softball would be fun, but this is definitely an enjoyable afternoon!! neat! Cool!
Saturday, June 12, 2010
it's safe
What can I say?
Every Thursday - piano class ...
it's just safe - I don't play very well, but I'll not be accused of playing wrong notes, wrong tempo, wrong rhythm or unawareness of the harmonic rhythm...
I wouldn't be accused of anything...
except I'll be corrected, very kindly, patiently corrected ... every week, again and again, until I can do it naturally.
Sometimes I'm afriad that I'll feel ashame of my performance, but everytime after class, I felt relief because my teacher will never ever put me to shame...even though he is Very goood!
Don't know when I started to develop this mentality thinking that if people are very good at something...if I don't perform as well as they are, I will feel shameful.
But it's the exact opposite. If someone is truly....really good at something, they'll be the last person who will try to make you feel ashame.
This is the kindness and gentleness I have been experiencing of Father in Heaven lately...The Lord is good.
This is unbelievable.
This experience.
~*
So....today's weather is so fine........gentle breeze and a lovely blue sky....
Shawn, Jen, Brian and I walked to the nearby plaza during lunch...under the bridge and across the railway....after getting our sandwich at Krinzo, we ate outside the office, under the shades. It's like a picnic....well...so is this how Rogers is like.........everyday is like a holiday! anyway :)
~*
Tyndale Accepted me............yay yay...I ran to Lori and told her about the news. I felt really excited. It's my plan....if the major I chose doesn't accept me now, I will apply next year. But they did, I was accepted!!! I am accepted :)
hm....
yeah, I'm just really thankful for Father's guidance. Everything that happens, big and small, brings me to who I am today, prepares me to be where I need to be today....
and last but not least....
DMBC people and friends who are on my heart (whether you know it or not)
*heart*
Every Thursday - piano class ...
it's just safe - I don't play very well, but I'll not be accused of playing wrong notes, wrong tempo, wrong rhythm or unawareness of the harmonic rhythm...
I wouldn't be accused of anything...
except I'll be corrected, very kindly, patiently corrected ... every week, again and again, until I can do it naturally.
Sometimes I'm afriad that I'll feel ashame of my performance, but everytime after class, I felt relief because my teacher will never ever put me to shame...even though he is Very goood!
Don't know when I started to develop this mentality thinking that if people are very good at something...if I don't perform as well as they are, I will feel shameful.
But it's the exact opposite. If someone is truly....really good at something, they'll be the last person who will try to make you feel ashame.
This is the kindness and gentleness I have been experiencing of Father in Heaven lately...The Lord is good.
This is unbelievable.
This experience.
~*
So....today's weather is so fine........gentle breeze and a lovely blue sky....
Shawn, Jen, Brian and I walked to the nearby plaza during lunch...under the bridge and across the railway....after getting our sandwich at Krinzo, we ate outside the office, under the shades. It's like a picnic....well...so is this how Rogers is like.........everyday is like a holiday! anyway :)
~*
Tyndale Accepted me............yay yay...I ran to Lori and told her about the news. I felt really excited. It's my plan....if the major I chose doesn't accept me now, I will apply next year. But they did, I was accepted!!! I am accepted :)
hm....
yeah, I'm just really thankful for Father's guidance. Everything that happens, big and small, brings me to who I am today, prepares me to be where I need to be today....
and last but not least....
DMBC people and friends who are on my heart (whether you know it or not)
*heart*
Thursday, June 3, 2010
just flow - no interruption
Lesson with David Swan (Thursday)
Just flow - no interruption
what kills you is.....you gotta let your playing flow - without interruption - thanks for reminding me to FOCUS....
When I am focus..there won't be any interruption - (when David is teaching Sonata by Hindemith 1st movement)
Thanks for restoring peace in my heart...there could be zillion things going on ...in my mind, in real life......finding jobs....being disrupted emotionally b/c of other people's view and perception of who I am......
Focus...no interruption....
and it's when I try hard to seek that one goal I am given, unless I have a teacher who gave me direction and notice what I did incorrectly and gave me kind guidance.....
I wouldn't be corrected so quickly....thank you teacher
Dear Teacher,
It's too interesting to hear from you saying that "if you had practiced...like that that that when you were young" you would have been a much a better pianist....
You're a teacher who really show me how "good" music can be....and I can't believe that you say that you "could be a much better pianist" implying that you're not good enough....this is unbelievable.
Anyone who have heard you, should agree with me that you're a very good concert pianist/performer....Musician.
I guess....Only a good musician would know how good music can be, and strive to become better
I live in a world where everyone, including myself strive to prove that we're good enough...we're good in whatever that we do....or doing....
It is profound to hear a good musician like you to say that you could be a better pianist if you had "practice a certain way" when you were young...
This is a humbling experience....thank you for modeling, teaching, and correcting, Teacher...
"He who thinks that he has finished is finished. How true. Those who think that they have arrived, have lost their way. Those who think they have reached their goal, have missed it. An important part of life is to keep longing, waiting, hoping, expecting." - Henri Nouwen - Genessee Diary
Just flow - no interruption
what kills you is.....you gotta let your playing flow - without interruption - thanks for reminding me to FOCUS....
When I am focus..there won't be any interruption - (when David is teaching Sonata by Hindemith 1st movement)
Thanks for restoring peace in my heart...there could be zillion things going on ...in my mind, in real life......finding jobs....being disrupted emotionally b/c of other people's view and perception of who I am......
Focus...no interruption....
and it's when I try hard to seek that one goal I am given, unless I have a teacher who gave me direction and notice what I did incorrectly and gave me kind guidance.....
I wouldn't be corrected so quickly....thank you teacher
Dear Teacher,
It's too interesting to hear from you saying that "if you had practiced...like that that that when you were young" you would have been a much a better pianist....
You're a teacher who really show me how "good" music can be....and I can't believe that you say that you "could be a much better pianist" implying that you're not good enough....this is unbelievable.
Anyone who have heard you, should agree with me that you're a very good concert pianist/performer....Musician.
I guess....Only a good musician would know how good music can be, and strive to become better
I live in a world where everyone, including myself strive to prove that we're good enough...we're good in whatever that we do....or doing....
It is profound to hear a good musician like you to say that you could be a better pianist if you had "practice a certain way" when you were young...
This is a humbling experience....thank you for modeling, teaching, and correcting, Teacher...
"He who thinks that he has finished is finished. How true. Those who think that they have arrived, have lost their way. Those who think they have reached their goal, have missed it. An important part of life is to keep longing, waiting, hoping, expecting." - Henri Nouwen - Genessee Diary
Thursday, May 27, 2010
R.I.P. my aunt
I just learned the news when I woke up this morning that my aunt had passed away yesterday in HK. She’s a very dear aunt to me because she took care of me when I was alone in HK when I was 19. We knew that this is coming about a month ago and this incidence just reminded me how short and fleeting life is. Although we don’t have control of time, I was reminded to seize every opportunity to live my life to the fullest each day.
It’s never too late to love, to forgive, to work and to find the job of your dream that resonate with the calling of life. I learned to see what’s important. Love never ceases and mercies remain. The kindness my aunt had once shown me inspired me to care about others who have other needs.
Jesus walked with me in the course that I took and through daily devotion as He prepares me to learn what death is…
Jesus Mourns
Jesus, the Blessed One, mourns. Jesus mourns when his friend Lazarus dies (see John 11:33-36); he mourns when he overlooks the city of Jerusalem, soon to be destroyed (see Luke 19:41-44). Jesus mourns over all losses and devastations that fill the human heart with pain. He grieves with those who grieve and sheds tears with those who cry.
The violence, greed, lust, and so many other evils that have distorted the face of the earth and its people causes the Beloved Son of God to mourn. We too have to mourn if we hope to experience God's consolation.
It’s never too late to love, to forgive, to work and to find the job of your dream that resonate with the calling of life. I learned to see what’s important. Love never ceases and mercies remain. The kindness my aunt had once shown me inspired me to care about others who have other needs.
Jesus walked with me in the course that I took and through daily devotion as He prepares me to learn what death is…
Jesus Mourns
Jesus, the Blessed One, mourns. Jesus mourns when his friend Lazarus dies (see John 11:33-36); he mourns when he overlooks the city of Jerusalem, soon to be destroyed (see Luke 19:41-44). Jesus mourns over all losses and devastations that fill the human heart with pain. He grieves with those who grieve and sheds tears with those who cry.
The violence, greed, lust, and so many other evils that have distorted the face of the earth and its people causes the Beloved Son of God to mourn. We too have to mourn if we hope to experience God's consolation.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
appreciating the softball team...and what I learn
I understand how it feels when you're the worst in the team.....
I know how vulnerable that feels....and if there is any slightest sense of frustration.....that could have destroyed that person! I appreciated the team which allowed me to experience what's genuine kindness was like... it's beyond what I could imagine...
I owe you guys this......I should work extra hard, when I'm given any opportunity to serve next time.
I have to always always always keep this in mind...
to be gentle and patient - and completely humble (Ephesians 4:1-3)
Especially when I teach piano!
Love.
I know how vulnerable that feels....and if there is any slightest sense of frustration.....that could have destroyed that person! I appreciated the team which allowed me to experience what's genuine kindness was like... it's beyond what I could imagine...
I owe you guys this......I should work extra hard, when I'm given any opportunity to serve next time.
I have to always always always keep this in mind...
to be gentle and patient - and completely humble (Ephesians 4:1-3)
Especially when I teach piano!
Love.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Softball Practice 03
Thanks Jess for the bandage :)
Thanks people...for teaching me batting...catching and throwing........I'm really touched....
and you guys run so fast and jump so high and catch so well too!!
Father Lord, I know you're slowly changing me in everything...thank you for the courage to step onto the field....thank you for your guidance.
left hand = blister
right hand = small peeling...
but I felt Very happy....I'll practice the swing...
and you guys are truly very nice.....you changed me inside out because of your genuine kindness... Lord Jesus, Your truth...
hm....
Wendy...thanks so much for praying for my interview.....I'll continue to prepare....thanks for the encouragement.
Thanks Zenia for the companion...
And cell group sincere sharing...I learn so much from all of you...mel, Zen, Jen, Elton; I'm glad that we had cell group last night.
Jer's quote of the day - "the weak humble the strong"
your wife is so kind...
With love.
Thanks people...for teaching me batting...catching and throwing........I'm really touched....
and you guys run so fast and jump so high and catch so well too!!
Father Lord, I know you're slowly changing me in everything...thank you for the courage to step onto the field....thank you for your guidance.
left hand = blister
right hand = small peeling...
but I felt Very happy....I'll practice the swing...
and you guys are truly very nice.....you changed me inside out because of your genuine kindness... Lord Jesus, Your truth...
hm....
Wendy...thanks so much for praying for my interview.....I'll continue to prepare....thanks for the encouragement.
Thanks Zenia for the companion...
And cell group sincere sharing...I learn so much from all of you...mel, Zen, Jen, Elton; I'm glad that we had cell group last night.
Jer's quote of the day - "the weak humble the strong"
your wife is so kind...
With love.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
learning practically - lesson with David
If the passage is more difficult a passage - the more at ease and relax I'll need to be (my arms and my shoulders tend to get tense)
reaching and playing the notes - you don't have to be there earlier than you need to be
Let go - taking the breaks off (don't get stuck)
Amateur playing sometimes should sound better than professional player ....because they should be more free to express rather than always aiming just for perfection
Playing Hindemith's sonata 3rd movement: You've to have that inner urge....motivated to play it...not just getting the timing right.
Should be doing all 3 things together...
1/ Getting the timing right
2/ knowing that you're motivated by an inner urge....
3/ Learn the notes
If the music sounds good, most of the time, it's right - don't learn everything...but miss the whole point....
"Your instinct is right"
David says....learn to let go - so many times....I am afraid to get hurt...and I'll always....Try to prepare early, and because I arrived earlier...I'll have to put on the break, before I actually play the notes...
this compulsion makes thing too complicated...I should aremember that I don't have to be there earlier than I need to be.
Let go - don't be afraid - your music will become more free ... and flowing :)
Realized this from playing the piano - You gotta let go (surrender) before you can achieve more....hoping my piano playing will improve :)
David Swan is my teacher...
Father Lord, I will let you guide me.
reaching and playing the notes - you don't have to be there earlier than you need to be
Let go - taking the breaks off (don't get stuck)
Amateur playing sometimes should sound better than professional player ....because they should be more free to express rather than always aiming just for perfection
Playing Hindemith's sonata 3rd movement: You've to have that inner urge....motivated to play it...not just getting the timing right.
Should be doing all 3 things together...
1/ Getting the timing right
2/ knowing that you're motivated by an inner urge....
3/ Learn the notes
If the music sounds good, most of the time, it's right - don't learn everything...but miss the whole point....
"Your instinct is right"
David says....learn to let go - so many times....I am afraid to get hurt...and I'll always....Try to prepare early, and because I arrived earlier...I'll have to put on the break, before I actually play the notes...
this compulsion makes thing too complicated...I should aremember that I don't have to be there earlier than I need to be.
Let go - don't be afraid - your music will become more free ... and flowing :)
Realized this from playing the piano - You gotta let go (surrender) before you can achieve more....hoping my piano playing will improve :)
David Swan is my teacher...
Father Lord, I will let you guide me.
still preparing..."Choosing Your Career, Finding Your Vocation
p. 39 I watnt o find out God's calling for me and to fulfill His purpose
p. 37 As Moses draws near he hears the voice of God calling from the fiery bush, and he responds, "Here am I" (Ex 3:4). It is this response that makes possible all that is to follow. This response opens up the lines of communication between God and Moses and begins a long discussion between them. This conversation lasts his whole life. Once we open up the lines of communication and respond in faith, then our lives are changed. Faith makes possible the response and teh recognition that God has something to do with our day to day lives.
p. 37 As Moses draws near he hears the voice of God calling from the fiery bush, and he responds, "Here am I" (Ex 3:4). It is this response that makes possible all that is to follow. This response opens up the lines of communication between God and Moses and begins a long discussion between them. This conversation lasts his whole life. Once we open up the lines of communication and respond in faith, then our lives are changed. Faith makes possible the response and teh recognition that God has something to do with our day to day lives.
p. 38 Each person recognizes God's call in his or her life through his or her own unique circumstances. For some it is at the right ime and in the way that can be responded to by curiosity. For others it is at the right time and in a way that they need help in clarifying the call. God still speaks to us today and the "call" is present in today's world. "We do know that there is a type of inner experience which has this kind of numinosity and compelling power, and that there is such an experience as being called from within to a special mission in life." Each person is called by God where he or she is and in a very different and unique way. The invitation to vocation, to do something special with our lives, does not usually descend upon us from external authorities, appearing predominantly as a "should" or duty. Rather, it is something from within us in our gifts, talents, abilities and best insights. Vocation takes root through the influence of loved ones, family, the witness of the community, caring mentors and guides, and a willingness to enter into conversation with God. Some people have an inner sense of God's call and know how to respond. Others only have clues, vague hunches and raw talents and need the help of a vocational counselor.
Moses grows and changes through his lifetime. Moses, by his vocational response, becomes like a finely tuned string and resonates at the same vibration as the creator. Moses becomes attuned in his whole being to God. It is this attunement that is continually being refined, corrected, affirmed and experienced at each stage of development.
The vocation of Moses is to liberate the people of God from their bondage. (p. 40) Moses invited the people to believe - to believe in faith and then act for liberation.
A covenant relationship (Ex 20: 1 - 20)
- Growing conversation with God in vocation
"the leap of faith meant leaving something and claiming something" (p. 41)
"Christian vocation may be described as setting aside our fears and our ego-centered work and embracing God's dream." (p. 42)
"God's call is not a one-time act but a lifetime of dreaming, imaging, and responding."
"Vocation always requires continuing nurture, clarifying, and purifying as we contnually seek to know and understand what God is about in our lives."
"We are invited by teh call to fulfill God's divine purpose to participate in fellowship, hope, and become instruments of God's love in action to others."
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