unlearn things, but...One flock, One Shepherd

yes...I will be unlearning many things that I had previously learned, and my assumed way of being right.

yes - not that I've lost complete self-confidence, but on the contrary, this is the beginning of real confidence because.... I don't know, this journey has been really long

sometimes I forget all the happy, wonderful times, and dwell only in the negatives -
it's those time that I tend to neglect and ignore

I do ... never admit or recognized in the past that I was depressed...but yes, I think I was eaten up alive by depression before, and I just never recognized it

Not facing my depression causes tremendous harm and hurting people that I love most and loved me most.

And the result is just more guilt, agony and shame

~*

I think one benefit of being with healthy people is that I'm unconsciously under their influence.
what else can I say about my girl's cell group - other than - it's extremely ordinary yet profound - because we talk about our deepest frustration, including humiliation; we talk about relationship and wedding engagement; and we talk about family, and extended family

and through all these, there're tears and laughter.

And SO MANY TIMES, that I'd still doubt my friendship with them (and of course there are reasons why I'd doubt) and at those times, when I felt all isolated, as if I'm on an island that nobody would understand - I went back to my deeply depressed mode...

~*

I felt extremely extremely awful that I have hurt that person I love most, and loved me most over and over again - it's like an endless cycle

And the reason was? Pride - Self-centeredness - Greed - Lust - my defensiveness - and worst of all imbalance

So easily irritated in those times -
"always very gentle, but don't step on my toes, otherwise, there will be a wild outburst?"

The only way to change this...will never be something that I can strive to change or work harder on

The only way to change this ... is to fall back into His Grace (Psalm 1) and remember that.... If I live, it's by His Grace; If I die, it'll also His Grace

~*

yeah....I don't know - If my birthday this year, is intentionally teaching me how to die to my old self

I'll start learning to stop trusting myself so much, but unlearn my old way...yeah.... you ready? Unlearn the old things and take up the new self
b/c the old way just doesn't work

I'll learn to not over estimate myself too....hey, I need pop music, I need movies, and most important of all, I need friends - Friends, genuine friends who mutually support and share - not all those one sided relationship where I just give, and never dare to receive!

Willingness to receive - this is crazy - I was so spoiled to a point that I used to only receive, then I float to another extreme of Only giving....

now.....am I ready to both receive and give? and not over estimate myself and float again back in the river of love (although I am still haunted by the damage that I have caused, it's So damaged, So damaged...and I doubt if this is not beyond repair ... sigh!)

How deep is the love of Christ? I haven't yet fathomed
How can I serve the people best? I will never know what's really good for them, because I am not God, the only thing that I can do...is to follow Christ on my own journey
Is it time to take up my cross and follow Christ? I think so

Kaarina's Bible study -
"When he has brought out all his own, he goes ahead of them, and the sheep follow him because they know his voice."
I don't have to be all smart, but just to follow the shepherd, who walk in front of me. He walks, and I follow
it may be a very long long long walk (Psalm 23) - but He will lead me out onto the pasture
The shepherd always count his sheep

He leads, and I follow - He'll lead me out of the pen - sometimes to the cliff - but He will always always lead me to the pasture

I must
stay with the flock
and
Recongize His voice

jennie's music page
Joyce's insight
Wendy's gentle perseverance and wisdom
Salina's wittiness and wisdom
Jen's maturity ('tho she's the youngest)
Kathy's loving
Elizabeth's organization
Hannah's precision and kindness
Regine - hm....what's my trait :)
Jaz's artsy writing and thoughtfulness
Kaarina :) - the voice :) who follow the Shepherd

hm.....
yeah...

one flock, One Shepherd

~*
won't over-estimate myself
"live a life, worthy of the calling you've received, be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love and make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace."

I'll follow ...

I'm in this world, but not of the world.