Do likewise

This week, also through thinking about the Scripture John 10, I learned what it meant to clearly present a message when I studied “voicing” with my piano teacher. When I was asked to play a piece of music, it seems like the main theme came out richer, clearer, and more communicative when I play according to the score, without adding any addition of my own =) I was encouraged to "speak only as the Word was received", "live accordingly to the Way that I was taught" and "do likewise" following Jesus’ example.

Let the music, let my living...speak for themselves.

...as spoken...

After piano class with David - after playing Rachmaninoff - an epiphany

A clear message I received, I present
not based out of my own interpretation, or intelligence
a clean, clear message

~*
in my study, I learn that if I am not able to position myself, I'll be shaken very easily. so I must stand firm in the Word that I receive, and live it out - not my own edition of the message

"do likewise"
"live accordingly"
"speak as received"

position myself either in humility or with great pride
thinking about my own motive or for the benefits of others

these will be my choices to make! so what will I do?

~*
As I am learning to put on my new self, I learn all over again, how to listen, how to speak, and how to present - This requires great attention, concentration and focus; and this is where perseverance will come in.

~*
there could be many things going on simultaneously in the music, harmonizing etc. but there is one clear voice that will stand out. - a simple, clear voice

~*
The ability to segregate the differences voices in a piece of music, help me to stay calm, and use my head rather than relying solely on emotion :)

yep

~*
this week is a week of Grace - there are lots of things going on at shcool and yeah, the bonding with my schoolmates is quite interesting - we do need one another.

~*
From Nodame Cantabile -
"Make performances that take people by the heart!"

The lonely road

Today chapel's topic is on "the lonely road" - Eugene Peterson's conference day. Although I didn't attend the conference, I got to listen to a sister who shared her own experience in the chapel.

depression, feelings of isolation, attack, hurts that go on in the church...afterall, it's not so uncommon; and yeah, I don't feel as lonely anymore because many people travel on the same path - those feelings are valid, but we are not isolated - there are people out there who do understand, and even more so, they need our support. hm...

hymn of the day:
You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all

Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God
Holy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name (x2)

Taking my cross my sin my shame
Raising again I bless Your name
You are my all in all

When I fall down You pick me up
When I run dry You fill my cup
You are my all in all

~*
Yeah, I don't handle stress very well, when I'm stress, I go crazy. (gotta make note of this) hm...and...yeah, I can't go against my nature too....when I don't sing, or when I don't laugh.....there must be something going on...hm.....(I think this is a new realization)

OK....
day 2 - present for my brother

happy birthday

day 1 present for my brother :)

feeling extremely unworthy and unqualified

in midst of these feelings...

I'll work hard in my study
focus
and follow when you want me to go and when you want me to stop

this is my conviction

unlearn things, but...One flock, One Shepherd

yes...I will be unlearning many things that I had previously learned, and my assumed way of being right.

yes - not that I've lost complete self-confidence, but on the contrary, this is the beginning of real confidence because.... I don't know, this journey has been really long

sometimes I forget all the happy, wonderful times, and dwell only in the negatives -
it's those time that I tend to neglect and ignore

I do ... never admit or recognized in the past that I was depressed...but yes, I think I was eaten up alive by depression before, and I just never recognized it

Not facing my depression causes tremendous harm and hurting people that I love most and loved me most.

And the result is just more guilt, agony and shame

~*

I think one benefit of being with healthy people is that I'm unconsciously under their influence.
what else can I say about my girl's cell group - other than - it's extremely ordinary yet profound - because we talk about our deepest frustration, including humiliation; we talk about relationship and wedding engagement; and we talk about family, and extended family

and through all these, there're tears and laughter.

And SO MANY TIMES, that I'd still doubt my friendship with them (and of course there are reasons why I'd doubt) and at those times, when I felt all isolated, as if I'm on an island that nobody would understand - I went back to my deeply depressed mode...

~*

I felt extremely extremely awful that I have hurt that person I love most, and loved me most over and over again - it's like an endless cycle

And the reason was? Pride - Self-centeredness - Greed - Lust - my defensiveness - and worst of all imbalance

So easily irritated in those times -
"always very gentle, but don't step on my toes, otherwise, there will be a wild outburst?"

The only way to change this...will never be something that I can strive to change or work harder on

The only way to change this ... is to fall back into His Grace (Psalm 1) and remember that.... If I live, it's by His Grace; If I die, it'll also His Grace

~*

yeah....I don't know - If my birthday this year, is intentionally teaching me how to die to my old self

I'll start learning to stop trusting myself so much, but unlearn my old way...yeah.... you ready? Unlearn the old things and take up the new self
b/c the old way just doesn't work

I'll learn to not over estimate myself too....hey, I need pop music, I need movies, and most important of all, I need friends - Friends, genuine friends who mutually support and share - not all those one sided relationship where I just give, and never dare to receive!

Willingness to receive - this is crazy - I was so spoiled to a point that I used to only receive, then I float to another extreme of Only giving....

now.....am I ready to both receive and give? and not over estimate myself and float again back in the river of love (although I am still haunted by the damage that I have caused, it's So damaged, So damaged...and I doubt if this is not beyond repair ... sigh!)

How deep is the love of Christ? I haven't yet fathomed
How can I serve the people best? I will never know what's really good for them, because I am not God, the only thing that I can do...is to follow Christ on my own journey
Is it time to take up my cross and follow Christ? I think so

Kaarina's Bible study -
"When he has brought out all his own, he goes ahead of them, and the sheep follow him because they know his voice."
I don't have to be all smart, but just to follow the shepherd, who walk in front of me. He walks, and I follow
it may be a very long long long walk (Psalm 23) - but He will lead me out onto the pasture
The shepherd always count his sheep

He leads, and I follow - He'll lead me out of the pen - sometimes to the cliff - but He will always always lead me to the pasture

I must
stay with the flock
and
Recongize His voice

jennie's music page
Joyce's insight
Wendy's gentle perseverance and wisdom
Salina's wittiness and wisdom
Jen's maturity ('tho she's the youngest)
Kathy's loving
Elizabeth's organization
Hannah's precision and kindness
Regine - hm....what's my trait :)
Jaz's artsy writing and thoughtfulness
Kaarina :) - the voice :) who follow the Shepherd

hm.....
yeah...

one flock, One Shepherd

~*
won't over-estimate myself
"live a life, worthy of the calling you've received, be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love and make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace."

I'll follow ...

I'm in this world, but not of the world.

starting anew

I've taken the time to mourn for the "missing forever part"; and it's time to start anew :)

Come, be refreshed

Nourishment - The Lord has given me strength to serve.

My school is a place where they equipped people to work for the Kingdom of G. Over and over again, I realized if I'm not well nourished, how can I serve others so that They will too, be well-nourished?

Truly, I'm glad that I went to chapel this morning. I almost missed it because...well...waking up late (not working according to what I would like to do) I'm glad that I went in the last minute despite my stress about reading, assignments and other things that occupied my mind.

1. yes, I want to learn English better - I haven't been trying at all....but Dr. Van Johnson and Kaarina just motivated me to try and do what I have passion for and be excellent in Everything that I do. They gave me courage to dream and live the dream again!

Colin and the worship team again did an amazing job leading us, helping us to sing. I was moved.

~*

October 5, 2010 (Tuesday Community Chapel – Dr. Van Johnson)

Worship songs
Everyone (Praises)
From The Inside Out
Breathe on Me, Breath of God

1. Breathe on me, Breath of God,
fill me with life anew,
that I may love what thou dost love,
and do what thou wouldst do.

2. Breathe on me, Breath of God,
until my heart is pure,
until with thee I will one will,
to do and to endure.

3. Breathe on me, Breath of God,
till I am wholly thine,
till all this earthly part of me
glows with thy fire divine.

4. Breathe on me, Breath of God,
so shall I never die,
but live with thee the perfect life
of thine eternity.

Preaching by Dr. Van Johnson (who’s witty, humorous, very knowledgeable, authentic, also, very very kind who loves God and people – with a cool face =)

Romans 12
“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer you bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God – this is true worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.

For by the grace given me I say to everyone of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgement, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of you has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.”

This is the Word of God for the people of God.

Dr. Van Johnson so humorously preached this passage with clarity. By coincidence (or no conincidence), I heard this passage being preached the 4th time within 5 days, since last Friday – the same passage – to present my body as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God.

Dr. Van Johnson preached –

The way our brain was built with the grey matters where neuro-synapses happen – the sparkles that fires between two neurons when we have new experience tells us that we are built and made to perceive new experience, each day, all the time.

What is the new thing that God wants us to experience everyday?

How do we present our body as living sacrifice?

(A silly story he presented about someone willing to pay $10,000 to look for a dead cat of his beloved wife – although this cat will never be found again =) and this is the exact same reason why the husband would be willing to pay $10,000 in the wanted Ad – Dr. Van Johnson tried to present us this idea of … Can we love other people without limit?)

We cannot eat or drink without limit (or we will not be seeing you very soon)
We cannot work without limit.
But to present our body as a living sacrifice, we do, can live our lives with gratitude to God without limit. And this is the only thing that we can do without limit living on this earth.

Jesus didn’t give us a detail explanation of each of the spiritual gift. He just says – if you have this – use it. If you have that, use it. Put your gift to use.

Lately, this continues to strike me … “you are the salt and light on earth” not that I can intentionally focus on making a difference where I live, basically I cannot because if I just keep focusing on making an impact or a difference, I’d have lost focus and my sincerity of loving God and People. Hence, no difference can ever be made.

But if I do, continue to strive to know God and live according to His teaching, as I learn to change in that way – faith working through love in the midst of hard realities – it will provide a thumbnail sketch of something that changes the world. (always falling short, of course; always partial, but noticeable and noticeably attractive).

I do not feel right when I lost connection with God, or when I eagerly try to get more of God, but what I can do is to wait for Him and His Agenda rather than always following mine.

You are the salt and light on earth – present your body as living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God.

during class ...

Thursday - Sept. 30th

I don't know...I always thought seminary would be a boring place. The classes maybe engaging because of the intellectual ideas, but over all in all, I used to have this impression that Seminary is boring :P

To my surprise, this is not at all the case :)) There are a lot of laughter (I like the humour of most professors) and I like the chatty chatty atmostphere which many of the school mates are quite Chatty!! We talk A lot!!!! :P

Other than the course load and the reading and assignments we are required to do, I like Tyndale. lol

I was inspired...last Thursday after class...and wrote the following:

~*

Clara's msn status from Steve Jobs "Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish" reminds me of Henri Nouwen's Genesee Diary.

In Genesee Diary, Henri Nouwen said that...

"He who thinks that he has finished is finished. How true. Those who think that they have arrived, have lost their way. Those who think they have reached their goal, have missed it.

An important part of life is to keep longing, waiting, hoping, expecting.

Certain experiences may be transmitted by language, others - more profound - by silence; and then there are those that cannot be transmitted, not even by silence. [The Kotzker.] Never mind. Who says that experiences are made to be shared? They must be lived. That's all. And who says that truth is made to be revealed? It must be sought."

=)

Yes, today's class with Dr. Brian was insightful, because he naturally led us to a place where we are open to learn new things. He guided us, he opened with "stories" :) and taught us how to develop a kind of talking that open up free space to change. A free space where we engage with one another in conversation. This reminded me of Henri Nouwen's book where he told us that it is this free space that was created when we are not self-seeking, we nurture genuine relationship :) and our world becomes so much more dimensional :))

There was an epiphany moment in the piano class with Dr. David Swan last week. David was naturally analytical and rational, and I was...hm hm...not built that way. I always see myself as a student who learn from him, even when I interact my thoughts with his, I voice from my point of view, and we interact on the common ground where ideas are merged. But last week, for the first time, I look at things From His Perspective...from His Eyes....and it's a complete new vantage point where...hm...things are not only clearer, but have more depth and a much richer meaning!!! Yeah, emotions, humanly touch and artistic expression are not the Only thing. Living with other people, seeing things that they see, our world is so much fuller and richer.

I really enjoyed Dr. Brian's class today, did you, Clara?

Let's see where our learning will lead us!
Let's watch!
Looking forward to our classes together in the coming days and yearS! LOL!! ^o^